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"In Cairo the communities live close together" - MIT: The Community



mbanani 8 / 26  
Dec 27, 2010   #1
I come from Cairo where the communities live close together; where "personal space" and privacy aren't clear. In this community, I learned compassion. I've learned that I have to sacrifice personal desires in the face of bigger priorities, such as a family meeting. My family has always encouraged me to be better, challenging me to exceed my capabilities.

As a kid, I often spent the summer with my grandparents, who used to give me mathematical riddles and the reward for getting them right would be more pocket money. The next summer, I started to enjoy the riddles for their own sake, asking for more even if I didn't get any reward for them. Although that might not seem significant, I believe that this simple summer activity at a young age "pushed" me to not only like Math, but to like anything that allowed me to think. Unlike students in more developed countries, here in Egypt, we don't have Science fairs; therefore as a kid, I was never encouraged to build my own volcano or even a circuit. When I was 15, a friend told me that he could arrange for me to work as an intern in a computer company and asked me which department I'd like to join; I chose maintenance. There, I was finally able to actually mess around with the parts and practically understand how computers work. While others were partying or working in summer camps, I got to spend all day dismantling computers and reassembling them.

mikeehnow 3 / 30  
Dec 27, 2010   #2
I think you're over using the "quotes".
I come from Cairo where the communities live close together; where "personal space" and privacy aren't clear.Big no-no: After the semi-colon it HAS to be a complete sentence.In this community, I learned compassion. I've learned that I have to sacrifice personal desires in the face of bigger priorities, such as a family meeting. My family has always encouraged me to be better, has challenged me to exceed my capabilities.

Your ending is a bit weak. It doesn't sum everything up. Also, the transition from paragraph 1 to 2 should be smoother. Also, colleges don't like contractions.
OP mbanani 8 / 26  
Dec 27, 2010   #3
Thanks a lot, i dont really like that essay. English is my second language as well as being one of my weaknesses. :S .. Which contradiction are you referring to ?
mikeehnow 3 / 30  
Dec 28, 2010   #4
I've and I'd. Also, don't worry about English being your second language. Minor mistakes you can fix on Word.


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