Prompt: Why would you like to participate in the CARE Summer Bridge Program?
As the great Frank Lloyd Wright once said, "I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen." I can still remember sitting in my English class and reading this quote as I was skimming through the pages of my book. I kept thinking to myself how unquestionable that quote was. Frank Lloyd Wright was right, without hard work and dedication, you cannot obtain success. As an individual who wants to be successful at everything I do, I am certain that the FSU Summer Bridge Program will help me accomplish this. As a first-generation college student, this program will benefit me in more ways than one. I will gain new friends, accommodate myself to the transition from high school to college, and receive academic counseling among countless other things this great program has to offer. Part of being successful is obtaining a great education. As FSU being one of the top universities in the nation, I know that graduating as a Seminole will open many opportunities for me later in life. The FSU CARE Summer Bridge Program is something that will help me the four years I am going to be in college and beyond that.
I'm not really finished*
I'm not really finished*
You mention being a first-generation college student. If there are other things about you that make you the sort of student for whom this program was designed, by all means mention them.
Revised*
As the great Frank Lloyd Wright once said, "I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen." I can still remember sitting in my English class and reading this quote as I was skimming through the pages of my book. I kept thinking to myself how unquestionable that quote was. Frank Lloyd Wright was right, without hard work and dedication, you cannot obtain success. As an individual who wants to be successful at everything I do, I am certain that the FSU Summer Bridge Program will help me accomplish this. As a first-generation college student, this program will benefit me in more ways than one. I will gain new friends, accommodate myself to the transition from high school to college, and receive academic counseling among countless other things this great program has to offer. Due to the tough economic times, my family and I have had to deal with our financial situation. Last year, my father lost his job and now my mother is the only one who works. She works hard everyday to make ends meet. I know that this prestigious program will help my family and I with financial aid. As FSU being one of the top universities in the nation, I know that graduating as a Seminole will open many opportunities for me later in life. The FSU CARE Summer Bridge Program is something that will help me the four years I am going to be in college and beyond that.
-Due to the tough economic times, my family and I have had to deal with our financial situation. Last year, my father lost his job and now my mother is the only one who works. She works hard everyday to make ends meet. I know that this prestigious program will help my family and I with financial aid.-
You should word this differently...
Revised (once more)
I really do need help.
I need to mail this out by tomorrow.
As the great Frank Lloyd Wright once said, "I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen." I can still remember sitting in my English class and reading this quote as I was skimming through the pages of my book. I kept thinking to myself how unquestionable that quote was. Frank Lloyd Wright was right, without hard work and dedication, you cannot obtain success. As an individual who wants to be successful at everything I do, I am certain that the FSU Summer Bridge Program will help me accomplish this. As a first-generation college student, this program will benefit me in more ways than one. I will gain new friends, accommodate myself to the transition from high school to college, and receive academic counseling among countless other things this great program has to offer. My parents worked hard since the day I was born to pay for my college. They had saved up enough money to pay for my first four years in college, but then my father lost his job. My parents explained to me that they had to use my college money to help pay for the bills; I told them that I understood. From that day on, I pressured myself into finding scholarships that will help me pay my way through college. I even stored extra change in a jar labeled "Success" so that I can at least pay for my books. I ran across the many benefits that the FSU Summer Bridge Program had to offer, and it's great to know that there's a program within one of the top universities in the nation that offers aid to first-generation college students and to individuals who are facing economic hardships. I know that graduating as a Seminole will open many opportunities for me later in life. The FSU CARE Summer Bridge Program is something that will help me the four years I am going to be in college and beyond that.
I think it's really good. I can't think of any bad comments to say..
One thing: They had saved up enough money to pay for my first four years in college, but then my father lost his job. Just when they saved enough money to pay for my first four years of college, my father lost his job.
I just don't like the phrase "but then"
Thank you for your help.(:
