Career and Goals essay paragraph needs to be reviewed AND YOU KINDLY !

Briefly describe your career development to date. This is an opportunity to tell your workstory. For example, you might discuss what you wanted to do as a child, discuss people that were influential in shaping your career path (for better or worse) as you grew up, and outline the role of your education or early jobs in your career development. Discuss the work you are doing now, and share your career goals and dreams. This narrative should be no longer than two pages, typed and double-spaced.

this is one of the questions being asked for my essay below is what i have written so far somone please tell me if i have covered everything they have asked in the question PLEASE AND THANK YOU KINDLY !!

Career development is an important step in life because it allows you to assess what careers you wish to achieve and how you will become successful in achieving them. As a child I always wanted to be a teacher the kindness and helpfulness of a lot of my teachers over the years really made me appreciate the profession the fact that whenever I needed help or support with something it was always there. It shaped my personal values as it made me love helping others and supporting them with anything they needed, It satisfied me to the fullest. In my work today I am employed as Mobile Advisor(Sales Associate) I help people with all sorts of mobile phone related things such as selecting a new phone and/or new cell phone plan or all troubleshooting with the mobile devices my past education experience has influenced me greatly with my job as I always go above and beyond to help my customers get exactly what they need.

You should avoid talking about all these general theories. They know those things and that's not what they are interested in knowing. They need to know about you! They need to know your career story, how you progressed with your career, you career ambitions and how they developed etc. etc. Don't use your word count for things that do not talk about you. Focus more on the topic!

I think some parts of your essay are a bit vague. You really need to shorten that long sentence dumi mentioned.
Be specific, clear and show your own individuality!

The prompt prescribes instructions. It is not posed in the form of a question. I prefer addressing those particular instructions which embody specific cases of what is to be expected. So I would pay attention to this section:

For example, you might discuss what you wanted to do as a child, discuss people that were influential in shaping your career path (for better or worse) as you grew up, and outline the role of your education or early jobs in your career development. Discuss the work you are doing now, and share your career goals and dreams.

Really, now I can identify five instructions.

1. As a child I wanted to be a police officer
2. My high school math teacher encouraged me to fulfill my potential.
3. His class and teaching style inspired me to see math in a new and exciting light. My first few jobs involved working in clerical positions.

4. Those jobs helped me gain valuable skills and experience. However, they also made me yearn for more challenging work. Currently, I tutor students who are struggling with math in those courses I have already taken and mastered.

5. My dream is to graduate and obtain employment as a petroleum engineer.

Career development is an important step in life because it allows you to assess what careers you wish to achieve and how you will become successful in achieving them. As a child I always wanted to be a teacher the kindness and helpfulness of a lot of my teachers over the years really made me appreciate the profession the fact that whenever I needed help or support with something it was always there. It shaped my personal values as it made me love helping others and supporting them with anything they needed, It satisfied me to the fullest. In my work today I am employed as Mobile Advisor (Sales Associate) I help people with all sorts of mobile phone related stuff such as selecting a new phone and/or new cell phone plan or all troubleshooting with mobile devices my past education experience has influenced me greatly with my job as I always go above and beyond to help my customers get exactly what they need and sometimes things they don't really need but might come in handy in the future by doing this I have exceeded monthly targets regularly and taught a couple of my fellow employees my techniques that have helped them excel as well by doing all of this we have built a loyal customer base that continues to bring us new clients every day.

Career development is not a step. Development is a process. It is improperly instantiated as in "...to assess...what...and how..."
More to the point, it is viewed as experiential. It is not viewed as detached. The opening sentence is a detriment as it now stands, and, at best, it is useless. You address the first directive clearly. Yet, you vaguely allude to teachers presenting a positive influence, barely meeting the second instruction. The role of education is not addressed at all, unless "...help or support with something..." is some sort of implicit reference. After skipping comment on education, you mention your current job and awkwardly tie in, so to reference, your "...past education..." despite there having been no prior elaboration. Moreover, you supplant the syntactic import of career with a job. Lastly, you fail to mention your future goals and ambitions.

wow thank you so much could not of explained it better you are amazing my friends god bless !!