"Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay." Once I finished writing my response to this, I really wasn't sure whether or not I took a step in the completely wrong direction. I tried to be creative about it, so I'm looking for some feedback to see if this is any good. My response is as follows:
My path to discovering my interest in computers primarily started off with a well-known video game series called Pokemon. While playing outside was fun from time to time, technology was much more alluring to me. Playing the original Pokemon games on the Gameboy Color late at night when my mother expected me to be sound asleep was my favorite crime. I always thought of the people I knew as different Pokemon, and I often looked at the different ways they could evolve. I thought of myself as a Magikarp, which is a simple fish animal that is often considered to be the "worst" Pokemon. The catch to a Magikarp, though, is that through a lot of training, it becomes something enormously powerful - a Gyarados. I still see myself as a Magikarp, maybe not the silly kind that just flails around without thought, but the kind that can leap over mountains with a powerful splash. Regardless of that, I'm still just a Magikarp. I still have that big goal that I'm aiming for, because I still have a lot to learn in order to evolve. I'm ready to stop being a small red fish and become a big, blue dragon. I started off with the disadvantage of having low stats and poor moves, but I'm ready to work my way up to be able to tackle any opponent that stands ahead of me.
When I visited Carnegie Mellon's campus, I saw a lopsided pole with people walking on it, and the first thought that came to my mind was that that was a giant Gyarados. It takes a ton of work for a Magikarp to evolve, and Carnegie Mellon offers me the challenge that I need to take up to become something more than a little fish. In order to learn how to use the move Hyper Beam, I'll have to learn to endure it myself. Carnegie Mellon is shooting that Hyper Beam at me, and I'm ready to take the hit. I want to take the hit, and I want to fight it back. In order to withstand that Hyper Beam, I'll have to conquer everything else that Carnegie Mellon throws at me, and the motivation of a Magikarp is not to be underestimated.
My path to discovering my interest in computers primarily started off with a well-known video game series called Pokemon. While playing outside was fun from time to time, technology was much more alluring to me. Playing the original Pokemon games on the Gameboy Color late at night when my mother expected me to be sound asleep was my favorite crime. I always thought of the people I knew as different Pokemon, and I often looked at the different ways they could evolve. I thought of myself as a Magikarp, which is a simple fish animal that is often considered to be the "worst" Pokemon. The catch to a Magikarp, though, is that through a lot of training, it becomes something enormously powerful - a Gyarados. I still see myself as a Magikarp, maybe not the silly kind that just flails around without thought, but the kind that can leap over mountains with a powerful splash. Regardless of that, I'm still just a Magikarp. I still have that big goal that I'm aiming for, because I still have a lot to learn in order to evolve. I'm ready to stop being a small red fish and become a big, blue dragon. I started off with the disadvantage of having low stats and poor moves, but I'm ready to work my way up to be able to tackle any opponent that stands ahead of me.
When I visited Carnegie Mellon's campus, I saw a lopsided pole with people walking on it, and the first thought that came to my mind was that that was a giant Gyarados. It takes a ton of work for a Magikarp to evolve, and Carnegie Mellon offers me the challenge that I need to take up to become something more than a little fish. In order to learn how to use the move Hyper Beam, I'll have to learn to endure it myself. Carnegie Mellon is shooting that Hyper Beam at me, and I'm ready to take the hit. I want to take the hit, and I want to fight it back. In order to withstand that Hyper Beam, I'll have to conquer everything else that Carnegie Mellon throws at me, and the motivation of a Magikarp is not to be underestimated.
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