Reasons for Carnegie Mellon school pick

Hi guys,

I am worried because my stats are on the lower end for Carnegie Mellon School of Computer Science (700 R+W SAT 1, 790 M SAT 1, 800 Physics SAT 2, 790 ML2 SAT 2), however, I have really strong extra-curricular involvent (especially in the field of CS). I have never had my essays read my someone I don't know, and therefore, wanted an unbiased opinion on my essays. Would somebody be willing to please provide feedback on my essays? Here are the Carnegie Mellon supplements, I can PM or email specific people the Common App one.

scs application

Please submit a one page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. For freshmen applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program to which you are applying.

When I begin to write a program, I feel as if I am unleashing the chains of a hidden world in which anything is possible. I hold the fundamental building blocks - classes, functions, etc. - and can create anything from nothing. This process of creation fascinates me, as it demands a clear objective and innovative thinking. At the same time, creating something means that I am contributing to the world. Programming, however, provides me with even greater fulfillment than mere problem solving or creation provides. Its ever-changing nature also requires continuous learning, an activity that I seek to engage in throughout my life. One of the most satisfying parts about programming occurs when I come across a bug, an issue in my code. Fixing a bug can become complicated; it requires planning and iteration through a thought process to find a flaw. However, being presented with a challenge and working my way to a solution is rewarding. Given my love of programming, I now wish to learn more about how programming works, how computers interpret code and more about how computers work in general. With this learning, I can optimize my code and fully understand the nature of the process that I so enjoy. For these reasons, I aspire to pursue Computer Science or Electrical and Computer Engineering as my major.

Throughout my young career, I have accumulated experience in both hardware and software. I have built several of my own computers, and have even designed a custom water-loop system to cool one of the computers I built. In doing so, I learned much about different computer components, their specific functions, and about the circuitry in computers. I have also had a lot of experience in software, showcased by the fact that I have worked with many programming languages and scripts: Java, Swift, HTML, CSS, JavaScript, jQuery, and MySQL. Websites such as my portfolio website, custom-programmed Minecraft servers and plugins, iOS apps like TaskCheck, and part-fledged startups like Slift, Inc. are only a few examples of the many projects on which I have worked. Currently, I am primarily focused on incorporating the new app I have been programming, ServicioComuni, into several schools across Costa Rica.

Servicio Communi allows community service groups to be listed on the app, where volunteers are able to match with community service groups that they are interested in helping based on certain filters: location, activities, or helped entities (animals, elderly, etc.). With this app, which connects willing volunteers with organizations seeking help, the Costa Rican community will be more unified. Through my projects, I have learned different programming languages, cultivated business relationships, nurtured my entrepreneurial spirit, and worked with others to accomplish broader goals. This has prepared me to learn more and make even greater impacts. I plan to release Slift, Inc. while at Carnegie Mellon and take my evolving tech company to a fully mature stage!

Carnegie Mellon will inspire me to accomplish these goals and aspirations. I look toward joining your driven and entrepreneurial student body. By becoming immersed in a peer group that I will work with collaboratively and that will support me as I release my company, I will take full advantage of the innovative and entrepreneurial spirit at CMU. Additionally, I will always be on the move, with at least one side-project going on outside CMU's academic demands and club involvement. I would also like to conduct research with leaders in the field, so that I can gain knowledge by interacting with individuals who have more experience and further enhance my understanding of computing. To occupy my time during vacations, meet people in the industry, and gain more hands-on experience in the field, I would like to attend SCS/ECE career events and participate in internships with the CMU's unparalleled corporate partnerships. Lastly, I hope to attend Carnegie Mellon's SCS Seminar Series to gain knowledge about subfields beyond my particular focus such as the "Artificial Intelligence Seminar", the "Machine Learning Seminar", and the "Math / Logic Seminar." I would be thrilled to form a part of CMU's class of 2022 and take advantage of all that CMU has to offer for me!

2nd removed

Ethan, due to our one essay per thread policy at this forum, I will only be able to advise you on the first essay that you posted. You should either delete the second essay from this thread or post it as a new essay in a new thread. It would be better for you to do that because the admin tends to suspend accounts or delete the posting of users who do not follow the forum rules. With those reminders said, please see my review of your first essay below.

I find that the content of your essay is highly technical. You have focused the essay on explaining the theoretical aspect of your interest and how gaining this knowledge makes you feel that you have forgotten the main purpose of programming. To improve the world that we live in or the technology that we use. What I am trying to say is, your essay lacks "heart". Your academic push is so strong, it leaps off the page, but the motivational factor based on personal or social concerns, makes the essay feel too self centered. Almost as if you are going to be doing all of this simply and purely for financial gain, rather than financial gain with a purpose. These sorts of essays are usually strongest when it showcases the passion for self improvement and objects with a social civic mindedness that will help to improve either a local, national, or international cause. One way you can do this is by looking into the mission and objectives of the SCS and then tweak your essay to respond in a manner that shows how you embody these objectives through your social concerns in relation to your chosen major.