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'Challenge and prepare' - UCF Part 2



cmpxo 2 / 1  
Dec 8, 2011   #1
This is the second part of my application essay and I was wondering if it was any good or not. Feedback would be very much appreciated.

3. Why did you choose to apply to UCF?

I have to be completely honest when I say I never dreamed of going to UCF like the many people who are applying might have or at least claimed to since childhood. In fact, I didn't even know the University of Central Florida existed for the longest time. I actually lived in an entirely different state so the only colleges I ever heard of were the names of nearby institutions like Princeton, Harvard and Rutgers but those were basically it. That is until I moved to Florida.

As time passed and I started to grow up I began to realize what was really out there for me. I discovered the University of Central Florida sometime through the middle of high school and I feel its exactly what I'm looking for in a school. Not only do they have the academics I require but they also have the culture and community I would like to be surrounded by. Not to mention the location which is perfect for me. It isn't too far away from my immediate family but it's a new area and will give me the opportunity to live my own life and become more independent. It was also give me the chance to meet new people while getting a quality education.

As a freshmen, going into college would be a big first step to becoming an adult and achieving my dreams. I think UCF would be the ultimate stepping stone to my future as a detective. I know that UCF will challenge me in all the right arenas and prepare me to be successful in whatever I choose to do and while there are plenty of other schools out there I want to be a Knight.

Riddi 7 / 16  
Dec 9, 2011   #2
"it was also give me the chance..." will give me the chance...
big first step..." the first big step

These were the few mistakes that I found while reading it. Besides the essay can be made more strong if you could illustrate more on some of the specific features of the college that aligns with your career goals. I liked that you presented your essay honestly and didnt sing a redundant story of "childhood dream", but make it more concrete by elucidating on some facts such as what particularly in academics suits you.


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