Please comment more on the structure and/or content, and this is a application main essay. Thanks so much!!
When I was little, as a young girl I have swear that I would never go learn (liberal) art. I do not want to be those girls who only master on the things they were pointed to be gifted. As other's hateful subject, Math has always been my best among the others. And on some level, I have always been proud of that.
Because I was learning English, I have watched many English movies in the past few years. The stories are attractive, but I am also wanted to detect what is behind those scenes, and the time I saw the documentary about film "Titanic" is the first time I realized how important the director is. When my American teacher asked me what do I want to do in the future, I answered, "a travel photographer or a film director". However, what really obstructs me is except all those machines and computer graphics, there all more parts about art and storytelling in a movie, and I knew that I was not any greater than others on that.
Until I have knew about my favorite singer, who write his own songs. Strangely, he was graduated as Electronic Engineer major. But one thing I could not doubt is his millions of books has benefited him a lot, his attitude of life and his lyrics writing. Since I have known him, I tried to pick up those books I haven't finish in my 10th grade. I was wondering how can such a technical person driven in the field of art, and can even write his own songs. At the same time, I found that words is so powerful, like any other forms of art, that is totally a different power from science, it does not use data or numbers to shock or persuade you, instead is personal emotion or a reflection. I found that the world of art is so free and beautiful, not like science is restricted. You could see the world entirely different, and you could build the beauty right from your hands.
I have been immersed in this thinking for month. On one hand, I want to study film related things, but on the other hand, I was hesitate to try the new things. But looking back to the singer, he is simply doing what he likes, but combined so well with his scientific thought and artsy understanding into his rhythm creating and lyrics writing. Why could he do that? I realized once I loved it, they are part of me. I should not simply define people by their ..., instead weigh them by person.
So I tried to take the first step. When the chance came, I strongly felt I should engage in it. My heart was beating quickly and I think my face went flushed too. But who do I care this time, I have known that one of my best friends was always (wanted to be a director) been talking about her director dream, but surprisingly she does not raise her hand up this time. So, I started my first experience. So I contacted each six teammate on the weekend and driven to Jinggang, which is our aim place, on Wednesday. I initially set this micro-movie as a documentary kind, but I did not aimed to be creative, instead I just hoped this could be satisfying and be one of my experiences. Before we arrive at there, I thought our mission are clear which is to shot movie, but many students suddenly agreed that they would more likely to treat this like a trip. I do not want to be such a director who restricts everyone and makes rules to everything. So on one side I asked them to balance themselves, on the other side I was searching for people who can help me to make this process go quicker.
And result could say is a failure one, but also it could say is a success one. That is the time I first realize what is really mean to be a director, director is the core, and director has to be decisive and tell others what to do, the person has to have a blueprint on his or her mind.
I really understood my teacher's saying "If you never try it, you will never know you love it or not." I still love it and I am glad I tried it. The person as "I" cannot change, but the contents and ingredients are always changing. No matter who I am now and who I was in the past, the only sure thing is I will keep my rational brain and the artsy heart.
When I was young, the only courses I took out side of class are Olympic mathematics and painting. Looking back from now, I really do not know if it is a coincident.
Cindy, you have to provide the main application prompt along with the essay so that we can analyze the content of your essay for relevance. It will also help guide us directing the content of your essay. At this point we are going to review your essay in general terms. That covers the basics and what we see as visible problems with the essay that need to be addressed regardless of the prompt. So here is my general review.
Your essay doesn't clearly explain how you developed your interest in liberal arts. You are discussing one too many topics in relation to your justification but neither of them are thoroughly explained in a manner that can be deemed as a clear realization on your part. Explain how your favorite singer, mention his name in case the reviewer knows of the person and his background, helped enlighten you about the positive side of a liberal arts education. I am however, questioning how this will prove to be relevant in your enlightenment since you already said that he has a technical background and degree. If he did not graduate from a liberal arts program, his influence on your decision seems ill placed.
I think that rather than discussing your favorite singer, you should instead tell the reviewer about how your experience making a micro movie changed your mind about a liberal arts education. Include an explanation as to why you were more inclined towards the standard educational system at first, then explain how your diversifying interest brought you the door of liberal arts. A personal realization is always stronger and more compelling than the influence of other people in your decision making process.
