1000 character Common App Extracurricular - Track

I could hear the loser already. He mocked me, coaxed me. "Give up, Owen, there's always the next race... Is the pain really worth it? Just. Give. Up." With each word, the track seemed to double in size. The pain in my legs turned into agony. The fire in my lungs became an inferno. The loser, ironically, was winning this race now. He had thrown me into the darkness. I had forgotten the joys of running, the freedom from the stress of reality, and the hours of brutal training that I had put into preparing for the race. My pace slackened and the clamor of footsteps intensified behind me - I was falling behind. Then a light breached the darkness as I discerned the loudening cheers of my precious teammates, coaches, and parents at the finish line. "GO OWEN! GIVE IT YOUR ALL!" I sprinted towards this light determined and reminded that though I was on the track as an individual, I embodied something greater than just myself: my team, my school, and my community. The winner had finally spoken.

Nice! I really like how this essay reflects on your personal traits as well as your extracurricular activity! The only thing that I would say is that

"He mocked me, coaxed me. "Give up, Owen, there's always the next race... Is the pain really worth it? Just. Give. Up."" sounds a little awkward. Perhaps consider revising it to be:

"Give up, Owen," he mocked. "There's always the next race..." etc.
But otherwise, really well-written! Hope that helped!

I'm going to have to agree with jo on this one, that one phrase does sound a bit awkward.

But it's very well written! I can really get a sense of just what track means to you.

Its really nice! I like how just telling the experiment from that one moment was all you have to say about your EC! It tells a lot and its better than the ones telling how much volunteer work they've done in the past or whatever in my opinion!

Good job! :D

Woah, thanks for all the input guys! :) I'll definitely try and fix that phrase up!