Chemical Engineering - Waitlist essay for UC Davis

UC Davis has been one of my top choices for College throughout my high school life. UC Davis has a very impressive engineering program that I would love to be a part of for my interest in math and science has propelled me towards chemical engineering. With UC Davis' extensive resources, I believe will fuel my determination and push me to my goal of success. To show my seriousness towards chemical engineering, I am taking three AP classes, which two are Chemistry and Calculus AB. Furthermore, I cannot put any more emphasis on the importance of a campus to me, for which I want a new experience in living in a somewhat secluded for focusing on studies but not too far from a metropolis for a sense of home or a period of break. UC Davis can provide me with this since it is only a fifteen minute drive from Sacramento from campus.

My essay is somewhat short of the 200 word limit. Can someone help edit/add to my essay?

UC Davis has always been my top choice for college throughout my high school life. My ardent interest in math and science has propelled me towards chemical engineering which i believe would prosper through UC Davis's extremely impressive engineering program. Furthermore, UC Davis's extensive resources, I believe, will fuel my determination and push me towards my goal. My commitment towards chemical engineering has enabled me to take three AP classes, of which two are Chemistry and Calculus AB. Personally, I have emphasized on/ dreamed of thriving on a secluded studying environment which is prevalent in UC Davis, with also a metropolis that gives a sense of home.

The ending is still not good enough. Do you really want to focus on the location of the school? You can just talk about your education and acheivements.

Good luck. :)

Try not to repeat the school name so many times. I agree with menukagrg, the ending is weak It looks like if you were making fun of the school's qualities, if you use the distance as a main argument.

Hi Thomas,

Menuka has done excellent editing. It sounds much better that way. Also I too believe that talking about location really does not add much value to your answer. If you want to add a few more sentences to meet your upper limit of word count, why not talk a little more about your goal... what you want to be and how passionate you are about pursuing your dream.... also you can link that to the capabilities of US David in helping you achieve your dream :)