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My childhood and overseas experiences - self introduction for exchange program

ji young lee 1 / -  
Mar 13, 2018   #1
I'm not confident in my grammar skills and I have no idea what to write for conclusion :(

it is a story about myself...

I'm used to working alone without help, since I was 8 years old. After my parents had divorced, my mother had to work over 10 hours a day to earn a living and support my family. To help her, I had to do everything on my own. It was my role to take care of my brother, do the dishes, and do extra chores. Even in those circumstances, I tried my best to do my duty as a student and I graduated an elementary school, ranked third out of all students. Though I didn't have enough time to hang out with my friends, I have no regrets at all. I could develop independence and a sense of responsibility by doing all the housework on my own and thinking how to use my time more effectively. Moreover, as I spent most of my time with my brother, we could have a close relationship until now. Now my brother is grown up so I don't have to look after him but I'm still helping my mother with chores.

However, no regrets doesn't mean I was always happy back then. I went through a rough time during adolescence. During that time, I've always felt I was different and I just wanted to be alone. By reading psychology books or watching psychology clips on youtube I could overcome the difficult moments. Ever since then, I've got an interest in psychology. Under the influence of my mother, who work as a marketer, I found that I'm especially interested in consumer behavior and marketing. For these reasons, I choose a business administration as my major. Recently I'm looking for specific fields that I would like to work and fields that drew my attention were game, interactive broadcasting service, and tourism. Also I prefer a foreign company.

The reason I prefer a foreign company is based on my overseas experiences. I've been to the States when I was 5 years old. I had went to a preschool there and stayed with my relatives who have lived in Los Angeles for many years. Even after I went to elementary school in Korea, I used to visit relatives once a year. Accordingly, I got a lot of great opportunities to make local friends. Since then, I've been able to become familiar with American culture. Besides the United States, I visited various countries such as Indonesia, New Zealand, Japan and Australia. Experience from Australia was particularly special to me. I went to Australia to attend an English language program. Usually when I'm faced with a problem, I tried to solve it on my own through searching or using my own knowledge. However in Australia, I was not familiar with speaking in English and using English in daily life. I had realized that no one will help me if I don't ask them for a help. Therefore, I had to be enthusiastic when I had to. I tried to ask immediately when I got a question and tried to talk a lot to the local people. Also, I had spent most of my weekends with my home stay families and it helped me to learn English and their culture in a short time. Through these efforts, I had adjusted to the new environment very quickly. I became friends with students from all different cultural and religious backgrounds. By associating with them, I was able to learn about various cultures and it has broadened my perspective. I want to interact with people from all over the world and I feel like when I use English I became more confident. Overall experiences from abroad affects my future plan.
TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Mar 16, 2018   #2
Hi, I think for your conclusion you need to tie these experiences into how this new program will help you. You need to explain why you want to pursue this new program and how it it tie into and build upon this foundation you have created. You have a lot of incorrect past perfect tenses here. Past perfect is really only for when something happened in the past and then it changed because something else happened in the past. - "I had been scared to use English, but then I realized that people would understand if I made mistakes." If something just happens in the past and does not change, use simple past. "I was scared to use English because I doubted my ability to communicate."

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