I will edit your essay if you edit mine. Please help as it is due tomorrow. Feel free to tear it apart.
It took me six months to grow facial hair. That was my obscure solution to my obscure problem. At six feet tall and 180 pounds, I am not exactly what you would call "overweight". Yet, due to some cruel twist of fate, I have a disproportionate amount of neck fat. This was first brought to my attention at the beginning of junior year, when a friend inquired, "Where is your chin?" Soon, word spread and I became "The Chinless Wonder" or simply "Chinless". People who I have never met before would comment on my lack of chin. It got to a point where I would scour through hundreds of pictures, looking for the ones that my chin made its cameo appearance.
While growing facial hair was a temporary fix, the ultimate solution came during senior class officer election speeches. At that moment, I was punched in the face with a realization: how ridiculous it was to be insecure about my chin. Who cares? So I modified my speech. "Ultimately, all of these candidates are weighed down by something that I will not be." I left a dramatic pause, and suddenly everyone was silent, waiting to hear what came next. "They all have chins." The stunned silence of the audience was quickly replaced with an uproar of laughter. At that moment, I learned to embrace my insecurity instead of hiding from it, which was more rewarding than winning the election. Plus, after that day everyone stopped calling me "The Chinless Wonder".
This is actually very good didn't find much to edit, just a few suggestions
... be insecure about my chin. Who cares? So I modified my speech.
... than winning the election. Plus,A fter that day everyone stopped calling me "The Chinless Wonder". Maybe just add how much better you felt?
This is perfect. I have had the opposite problem growing up. Kids used to call me triple chin.
The tone of the essay is great; it is very triumphant and anyone can connect with the idiocy of other kids in their high school class. It's a really nice essay. As someone said, maybe you could clarify how your outlook on life change when you got over this insecurity.
