Unanswered [1]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 6


"Choose your future" - Ohio State Admission essay



TheGreatFillip 1 / 2  
Oct 21, 2009   #1
Here is my most recent essay for Ohio State. General feedback would be appreciated.

Question: In 300 words or less, why do you want to go to Ohio State?

"Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career... Choose your future. Choose life," this quote from Trainspotting it perfectly captures the kind of choices in life that I want the college I attend to give me the power to make. First I have to choose a college.

As I started to look into that choice, Ohio State stuck out from the beginning because of its prestige. It was when I chose to major in Psychology, and looked into schools with great psychology departments, that OSU really drew me in. With a degree from OSU's department of psychology, I would easily have the power to choose a career post-grad.

But a degree would mean nothing if the college wasn't right for me, so I gave OSU a more personal look. I visited Ohio State from an educational perspective and during the summer. I found the professors welcoming and helpful, which is a major factor for me. I even had lunch with one, Professor Hosser, who explained a lot to me about how the school's education works. I had felt like the choice was made at the end of the day, but my second visit sealed it.

I visited a friend in September, and got a feel for the student life on campus. Being a big school worried me, but that enables Ohio State to have at wide diversity of people to meet and experiences to have. This diversity would be beneficial to me as I grow as a person. I met a wide range of students that day, from foreign exchange to transfers; I got a good taste of what the school has to offer.

So I finally made my choice of schools. I choose Ohio State as the school that would allow me to choose life, and choose my future.

emmanikole - / 6  
Oct 21, 2009   #2
you have a foundation, but you will want to massage this.

-second paragraph, second sentence is a bit confusing/doesn't really make sense. you may want to reword that. perhaps, At first, I was a bit concerned about the large size of Ohio State. However, after visiting it I realized the wide diversity of people and experiences that exist. I look forward to experiencing these things at OSU...
OP TheGreatFillip 1 / 2  
Oct 21, 2009   #3
Hmmm I agree with you here. This is only the first draft of course, but I will surely go through again and fix clarity errors and generally refine it. When I was done I had to crop alot of stuff to fit the 300 word maximum, so some flow was lost. Any more suggestions my helpful forum members?
EF_Stephen - / 262  
Oct 21, 2009   #4
Ohio State stuck out from the beginning

You might not want to say this. In general, colleges don't stick out. I know what you mean, but you can word it better. Like Ohio State was very noticeable to me from the start, or something. That sounds better.
hylacy 4 / 16  
Oct 22, 2009   #5
Good details :D

So I finally made my choice of schools....

you don't need that part, because the college will know that you chose Ohio State when reading the essay.
OP TheGreatFillip 1 / 2  
Oct 24, 2009   #6
"Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career... Choose your future. Choose life," this quote from Trainspotting perfectly captures the kind of choices in life that I want the college I attend to give me the power to make. First I have to choose a college.

As I started to look into that choice, Ohio State was very noticeable to me from the start because of its prestige. It was when I chose to major in Psychology, and looked into schools with great psychology departments, that OSU really drew me in. With a degree from OSU's department of psychology, I would easily have the power to choose a career post-grad.

But a degree would mean nothing if the college wasn't right for me, so I gave OSU a more personal look. I visited Ohio State from an educational perspective during the summer. I found the professors welcoming and helpful, which is a major factor for me. I even had lunch with one, Professor Hosser, who explained a lot to me about how the school's education works. I had felt like the choice was made at the end of the day, but my second visit sealed it.

I visited a friend in September, and got a feel for the student life on campus. Being a big school worried me, but that enables Ohio State to have at wide diversity of people to meet and experiences to have. This diversity would be beneficial to me as I grow as a person. I met a wide range of students that day, from foreign exchange to transfers; I got a good taste of what the school has to offer.

So I choose Ohio State as the school that would allow me to choose life, and choose my future.

A bit of a revision.


Home / Undergraduate / "Choose your future" - Ohio State Admission essay
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳