Here is my most recent essay for Ohio State. General feedback would be appreciated.
Question: In 300 words or less, why do you want to go to Ohio State?
"Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career... Choose your future. Choose life," this quote from Trainspotting it perfectly captures the kind of choices in life that I want the college I attend to give me the power to make. First I have to choose a college.
As I started to look into that choice, Ohio State stuck out from the beginning because of its prestige. It was when I chose to major in Psychology, and looked into schools with great psychology departments, that OSU really drew me in. With a degree from OSU's department of psychology, I would easily have the power to choose a career post-grad.
But a degree would mean nothing if the college wasn't right for me, so I gave OSU a more personal look. I visited Ohio State from an educational perspective and during the summer. I found the professors welcoming and helpful, which is a major factor for me. I even had lunch with one, Professor Hosser, who explained a lot to me about how the school's education works. I had felt like the choice was made at the end of the day, but my second visit sealed it.
I visited a friend in September, and got a feel for the student life on campus. Being a big school worried me, but that enables Ohio State to have at wide diversity of people to meet and experiences to have. This diversity would be beneficial to me as I grow as a person. I met a wide range of students that day, from foreign exchange to transfers; I got a good taste of what the school has to offer.
So I finally made my choice of schools. I choose Ohio State as the school that would allow me to choose life, and choose my future.
you have a foundation, but you will want to massage this.
-second paragraph, second sentence is a bit confusing/doesn't really make sense. you may want to reword that. perhaps, At first, I was a bit concerned about the large size of Ohio State. However, after visiting it I realized the wide diversity of people and experiences that exist. I look forward to experiencing these things at OSU...
Hmmm I agree with you here. This is only the first draft of course, but I will surely go through again and fix clarity errors and generally refine it. When I was done I had to crop alot of stuff to fit the 300 word maximum, so some flow was lost. Any more suggestions my helpful forum members?
Ohio State stuck out from the beginning
You might not want to say this. In general, colleges don't stick out. I know what you mean, but you can word it better. Like Ohio State was very noticeable to me from the start, or something. That sounds better.
Good details :D
So I finally made my choice of schools....
you don't need that part, because the college will know that you chose Ohio State when reading the essay.
"Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career... Choose your future. Choose life," this quote from Trainspotting perfectly captures the kind of choices in life that I want the college I attend to give me the power to make. First I have to choose a college.
As I started to look into that choice, Ohio State was very noticeable to me from the start because of its prestige. It was when I chose to major in Psychology, and looked into schools with great psychology departments, that OSU really drew me in. With a degree from OSU's department of psychology, I would easily have the power to choose a career post-grad.
But a degree would mean nothing if the college wasn't right for me, so I gave OSU a more personal look. I visited Ohio State from an educational perspective during the summer. I found the professors welcoming and helpful, which is a major factor for me. I even had lunch with one, Professor Hosser, who explained a lot to me about how the school's education works. I had felt like the choice was made at the end of the day, but my second visit sealed it.
I visited a friend in September, and got a feel for the student life on campus. Being a big school worried me, but that enables Ohio State to have at wide diversity of people to meet and experiences to have. This diversity would be beneficial to me as I grow as a person. I met a wide range of students that day, from foreign exchange to transfers; I got a good taste of what the school has to offer.
So I choose Ohio State as the school that would allow me to choose life, and choose my future.
A bit of a revision.
