I chose Information Engg Course at Ritsumeikan because.. of opportunities

GATEWAY TO BETTER OPPORTUNITIES

My grandmother used to tell me stories about a fish in a pond, which was fascinated by the tales told by raindrops that came from far off seas. Tales of so many new fishes, so many opportunities. The fish always dreamt of escaping the pond to swim freely in those endless seas.

I had fallen in love with computers the first time I played a video game on one. By the time I reached high school, I tried coding games on my own. From then I started to fall in love with the world of coding. I knew by then that if I do something when I grow up, it should involve computers. I come from Thrissur, a sleepy town in the south-western corner of India. It is common knowledge that computer science engineering is the most sought after course in my country[1]. But here, the passion is not for the things that are taught, but for the lucrative salaries at the end. The end result is learning a syllabus that is as old as my age and getting underpaying jobs[2]. It's a difficult place to dream big, just like the pond.

For me, the ISSE Course at Ritsumeikan is like that big ocean the little fish dreamt of. The course syllabus encompasses everything I've ever dreamt of learning. Ritsumeikan is a world-renowned university for its quality of faculty and friendliness towards international students. Ritsumeikan has world class labs and an up-to-date syllabus that would help me be abreast with the rest of the world. I believe Ritsumeikan can transform me into a professional the world needs . It would be my honor to get a chance to study this wonderful course at this wonderful university. It would be my chance to dream big.

The discussion paragraphs are disconnected. Logical development and connection between paragraph ideas are necessary to properly answer the question. The fish story should be followed by the current last paragraph since the reference points connect the 2 paragraphs. The last paragraph needs to be changed though as it is empty of valid reason on a personal scale. The information is only based on general research, failing to create a convincing motivation paragraph for the university choice reasons. Such reasons should also tie in with the development of the writers interest in computer coding. How will the university support this interest? What social reasons influenced the choice ?