The City, The Lessons, The Campus: Why I chose to Apply to UCF

Prompt:Why did you choose to apply to UCF?

I can still remember back to the first time I stepped foot on the UCF campus, I was 9 years old and my family and I were moving my older sister in to her new dorm room. I remember passing by the Reflection Pond, hoping one day I too could jump in during UCF's homecoming week. When my sister joined a sorority, ZTA, I remember how much I longed to be just like her, donning my kids sized ZTA tank top around school with pride. I already had my mind made up; UCF was where I was destined to be.

Today, I am still enthralled by the city surrounding the campus; it is so different from my hometown of Gainesville, Florida...so much bigger. I have always known that I have wanted to leave Gainesville for college and explore other communities, experiencing life on my own, without the comfort of my parents nearby.

The lessons I learn at college are ones I will take with me throughout my life. That is why I chose to apply to UCF, not only because it has been a dream of mine since childhood, but also because I believe UCF will help me to learn and grow as a human being.

I can still remember back toT he first time I stepped foot on the UCF campus, I was 9 years old and my family and I were moving my older sister in to her new dorm room. -- unnecessary words

donning my kid- sized ZTA tank top around school with pride.


You can shorten this sentence. The "I have always..." part is a bit boring...sorry :(


Here you introduce a different idea. Your essay doesn't say anything about how UCF will help you grow as a human being. So why have you put this sentence?

Your essay was nice overall. However, I think you could add something about your intended course of study.

I can still remember back to the first time I stepped foot on ...-----I think it is usually written this way: set foot on

I like this first half; it is very sincere and naturally... very nicely written.

However, these sentences could be better:
The lessons I learn at college are ones I will take with ... grow as a human being.
Those last sentences are very generic, very normal and uninteresting. I think you can see what I mean...
Instead of writing those sentences, it would be nice to tell about the future; you told about the past, and now it is time to spend 100 words telling about your intentions for the future.

:-)

Revision of my last paragraph. Thoughts and Criticisms welcome!

Upon acceptance into the University of Central Florida, I plan on working towards a degree in Liberal Arts which would one day allow me to open my own bicycle shop. While it may be somewhat of a risky dream, I believe that my infatuation with bicycles and my overall desire to succeed will help to make my dream a reality. I've put my faith in UCF, believing the knowledge I gain while in attendance will prepare me for the business world and anything else life brings my way.

Your essay look definitely good

yet, as mentioned above, you need to improve your final sentence to embellish your essay

I like how you said its a childhood dream - and the essay is very personal, so that's very good! The story part of it is very good, but can you expand on the last part

"The lessons I learn at college are ones I will take with me throughout my life. That is why I chose to apply to UCF, not only because it has been a dream of mine since childhood, but also because I believe UCF will help me to learn and grow as a human being."

How will UCF help you learn and grow? What qualities do you have that UCF can amplify?

Good luck!