hello, this is the essay I need to write for my admission to NJIT, and I am very nervous about it because I really want to get in. =)
A student's priority should be to achieve the highest education possible with the given opportunity because education does not just make you financially stable, but also earns you prestige. Coming from a family that gives great importance to education, I grew up with great interest in engineering. During my junior and senior years of high school, I was involved in extracurricular activities and interned at a dentists office to broaden my experience in different areas. When I started working for a company as a receptionist, I came in contact with many construction and architectural companies, which heightened my interest in that field, civil engineering in particular.
My family and I have always considered NJIT to be a perfect destination for engineering. The ease of transition, affordability, and high quality of education are just a few of the features of the college that appeal to us. A strong curriculum, latest technology and hands on training are very important to me and I am glad to know NJIT offers all of them. My greatest wish is to become a member of the Steel Bridge team and acquire the experience and skills needed for my field. Another interesting feature that has caught my eye is the study abroad program, in particular the exchange engineering program with Turkey. Turkey is a country I have always wanted to study in. My acceptance into NJIT will allow me to achieve this dream and hopefully get out into the real world immediately after graduation.
Civil engineers play an important role in everyday life, specializing in structure, construction, environment, and transportation. Civil engineering is a broad spectrum career that opens many doors of opportunity and allows me to make the world a more sophisticated and safer place. I strongly believe NJIT will help me fulfill my future goals.
A student's priority should be to achieve the highest education level possible with the given opportunity, because...----I added a comma and the word LEVEL. Is that what you meant -- education level?
Here is a good place for a semi-colon:
... education does not just earn you money; it earns you respect.
Coming from a family that gives great importance to education, I grew up with great interest in the engineering field. I don't like this sentence. It implies that someone is likely to be an engineer if the family values education... but that does not make sense. Try to fix it so that it expresses what you really mean.
During my junior and senior years of high school, I was involved in extracurricular activities ...
Me and m My family and I always considered ...
Civil engineers play an important role in everyday life, from buildings to water resources to public transportation no no, never include statements-of-the-obvious. The reader will stop paying attention.
hyphen: long-term
Great job!! I really think this will impress the reader.
