CMC Supplement: What influence you most in you decision to apply to CMC?

Prompt: What influence you most in you decision to apply to CMC? Please limit your response to no more than 200 words

I need some help to cut the words down to 200 (it currently stands at 205)
Any feedback will be appreciated!
Leave a comment and I would love to help out with yours too :) Thank you all!

My hesitation for college officially ended with a LinkedIn conversation I had by the occasion of my internship.

Alumnus BLANK talked to me about the California sunshine, the cooking club, and the intellectually stimulating conversations she had at the Athenaeum... When I mentioned my passions for psychology and international relations, she even sent a list of programs for my reference. Alongside maximum freedom for interdisciplinary studies, the plethora of activities like "MUN" and off-campus programs like "Brazil: Social Justice and Sustainable Development" will empower me to obtain intellectual breadth and pragmatic skills in tackling real-life challenges of greater society.

It's incredible how much help she'd offer to someone she just met via internet. And the only secret code needed to reach out, is "CMC".

"4 years in CMC were the most cherished time of my life." She told me so. Upon that point, I felt besides the tradition of excellence, CMC has the magic that makes one so ebullient about her school decades after graduation, and eager to light directions for the laters. I've longed for such a place where pursuit for greatness integrates effortlessly with an accessible and supportive atmosphere.

No hesitation is ever needed, and the decision was made.

While it is excellent that you can make reference to an alumnus of the university in your essay, surely that person's say so is not the only reason that you have decided upon CMC for your university. The essay just sounds quite shallow when you put it that way. It was almost as if you just took this person's word for it. Your reference to the various programs that are of interest to you are mere summaries that do not offer any insight as to how those programs truly took hold of you and influenced your decision. I suggest that you limit the reference at the end to the quote from the student. This essay should be about you and how the academic offerings and other special qualities of the university were the major influence behind your decision. It should not be based upon the quote or beliefs of an alumnus as his or her experience at the university and what you are looking for in a university may be quite different in terms of criteria. Speak in your own voice and show the gravity that was involved in this decision. Don't rely on the opinion of other people to get you into this school. Show the admissions officer that you have your own criteria for choosing universities and in this case, the reference of their graduate is what enticed you to look deeper into the academic offerings of CMC.