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College Admissons Essay (Knowledge and Commitment) - SC prompt

Meinlow 1 / -  
Nov 7, 2009   #1
Prompt: Seeking knowledge and commitment to service are integral parts of the Spelman experience. Discuss and illustrate ways you have shown your commitment in these areas. 500 word minimum.

I can still remember when learning impacted me the most. In the seventh grade, Mrs. Richmond's biology class was a class I could never get bored in. I came to school every morning so eager to learn more. I would always be the one to ask for all the extra credit so I could learn at home. It wasn't the feeling of knowing more than others because I knew school wasn't a contest, but it was the feeling of just knowing, and growing to love knowledge.

I always knew I would be the one to make it to college. I knew my major and I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I grew up around doctors and nurses, specifically my mother, whom is the one I look up to. I narrowed my choices from not being just any doctor, but to wanting to be a neurologist. However, at an age so young, I never knew the hard work and knowledge it was going to take to achieve my most cherished dream. As a senior in high school, I'm taking preparation classes that can become so overwhelming. If in my past years I wasn't sure of myself, I'm so sure now. I merged my determination with knowledge and it keeps me going daily. Every day that I walk into my AP biology class, which happens to be one of my most difficult classes, I am determined to learn more. At this point, I could never get enough of my hard classes and I find myself doing things I've never done before. I stay after school as much as I can and help tutor underclassmen in chemistry because I'm always willing to share my knowledge with others. I understand at times I have big dreams, but nobody can tell me I won't be able to reach them. It's just my passion of being successful and everything I need to know to get there, I will learn with no hesitation.

I could never say that the certainty, courage, and assurance came from only me. My faith in God has influenced me in so many ways. I am committed to the church and sometimes I feel like I don't let God use me enough. I've been a choir member at Antioch Baptist church since I was eight years old and there have been many changes since then. A part of the children's choir, I must say I was one of the well-behaved ones. I knew I was going to be a member of the children's choir until college approached me because to be in the higher choirs you had to be eighteen or older. Well when I was fifteen, the "children's choir" were no longer children, but teens with attitudes and major egos. Unlike the others, it crushed me when I found out they were canceling the choir. So I decided to join the adult choir at a young age. I knew I would be significant to the choir, I could actually sing. I go to an arts school for singing; it's one of my passions. So I auditioned and got in. Nothing and no one could stop me from serving and praising the Lord the way I knew best and getting in was simply an act from God.

Being in the adult choir was totally different and diverse. We did so much with the community. The choir was the heart of the church so we were at every event for the community and sometimes other communities. We've done clothing drives, AIDS walks, Cancer walks, Heart walks and gave our community a chance to celebrate Christmas by donating brand new presents. My mother and I stay active yearly. Giving back makes me feel like a better person. I've never been selfish but I never knew what I do could impact another person so much. Even though I'm still the youngest member, I try to stay involved as much as the adults do. My school does a lot with the community too. As an active member of the diversity and key club, we work to better the surroundings of our community as well as the people in our community. In relation to Spelman, our school wasn't put in the best neighborhood. So if I can help change things around my high school's area, I can do just as well for Spelman.

"Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe", a quote by Gail Deevers an African American athlete. I always use this quote when I feel like giving up or when my academic performance is at a low. I know all I have to do is push myself and with the chance given, I can make anything possible. I am so optimistic and hopeful; I have the strength to keep my head held high. Volunteering at a women's shelter shows me that it's never too late to be somebody. I've seen women walk right out of the shelter and stand on their feet, determined and not ever looking back. I'm looking for and expecting nothing less than the best. I would love to get the chance to experience the Spelman sister-hood. To be able to work with others that feel the same way I do about being successful, helping others to reach their goals too and others that build each other up is an experience I can get only at Spelman. Everything from this point on takes hard work, work that I'm well aware of. I just know everything I do will be done to my best ability. The opportunity and experience at Spelman is genuine. I know I'm ready to be a part of this phenomenal college. I know I am a future Spelmanite.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 7, 2009   #2
Technically, you are not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition:

I can still remember when learning impacted me the most. In the seventh grade, Mrs. Richmond's biology class was a class in which I could never get bored .

"in" is a preposition, so I changed the order around...

This is good, solid writing! I think you can still improve it by adding some more emotive and image-invoking words...

Perhaps you should say physician instead of "doctor."
I am excited for you!

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