US College application essay. check my essay for mistakes.

I am sorry, what is in [... ] is something that is not important but it will affect my current job. Let me keep it secret
Please review my essay, I am not good in English and I often get mistakes in using tenses of verb or corrective vocabularies.

BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH

My name is [emtnd]. I was born on July 7, 1987 in a middle-class family of six. When I was a child, I got used to playing games on my older brother's computer and I gradually felt excited about information technology. That is the main reason I want to become an Information Technology engineer.

I received a Bachelor of Engineer in Software Engineering from [University] in 2011. In that year, I served as programmer at [Bank]. During the time I have worked there, I have enthused over finance and business and thus I have decided to learn more about Business field.

I would like to get an Associate in Arts degree in Business major at [US College] for transfer to a university and get a Business Administration degree. The first reason I choose this college is that the college is quite near home of my older brother in California. This is convenient for me, a foreign student, to go from home to the school. Secondly, the most important reason is that as I have entered [college's website] to learn procedures for enrollment, I have seen a comment along with a portrait of a [student who is the same nationality as me] on the website of the college. This makes me believe that the college is suitable for me to continue my education and I might be welcomed there.

To become a student overseas in the US is the dream of not only mine, but also a lot of people around the world. I hope my dream will come true once I am accepted to enroll at the college.

When I was a childkid , I gotusedloved to playingplay games on my older brother's computer and I gradually felt excited aboutthat was the advent of my deep passion for information technology.

In thatthe same year, I served as a programmer at [Bank]. During the time I have worked there, I haveand this opportunity introduced me to the world ofenthused over finance and business and thus I have decided to learn more about Business field.of which I took lots of fascination and finally decided to pursue my higher studies in Business field.

I would like to get an Associate in Arts degree in Business major at [US College] for transfer to a university and get a Business Administration degree(this part is not very clear .... I think you better rephrase) . The first reason I choosefor choosing this college is that the collegeit is quite near the home of my older brother who lives in California. This is convenient and cost effective for me a foreign student like me, to go from home to the school Secondly, the most important reason is that as I have entered [college's website] to learn procedures for enrollment, I have seenfounda very impressive comment along with a portraitprofile of a student who is the same nationality as me (I removed the brackets) on the website of the college. This makes me believe that the college is suitable for me to continue my education and I mightwould be welcomed there.