PROMPT: DESCRIBE YOURSELF AND TELL WHY YOU WANT TO GO TO VCU
I have been homeschooled since the 10th grade when I was diagnosed with type one diabetes. I was devastated, how could this be happening to me? Having to take painful blood glucose samples every two hour and giving myself four insulin shots a day, not to mention, changing my diet. I had to learn to count carbohydrates and had to give up the two foods I loved most, pasta and sugar. I was not able to keep up with my peers physically, so I chose to withdraw socially and began to study at home.
After five months of adjustment, I began to get my life back to normal. Finally I was on a normal schedule again; not having to wake up every two hours at night was a relief. Concentrating on schoolwork was a priority. I did not want to get behind my classmates. My energy levels were at an all time high; I was exercising and riding my horse again. I was fortunate to find a part-time job at a local university two afternoons a week.
Although diabetes has complicated my life, it has given me a new strength to challenge any problem or issue that comes my way. For this reason I have chosen study in the health field. Studying nursing at Virginia Commonwealth University, would allow me to explore many opportunities that await me. I will be exposed to a stimulating environment that will cultivate a superior education in the medical field as well as take advantage of the many resources Virginia Commonwealth University and Richmond have to offer.
Last year, I decided to take a class at a local community college. I was concerned I might not be prepared as other students since I was homeschooled. However, I discovered that homeschooling could not have prepared me more for college; both require self discipline and motivation.
ANY SUGGESTIONS APPRECIATED.
Having to take painful blood glucose samples every two hours and giving myself four insulin shots a day, not to mention, changing my diet - this is not a sentence it is a fragment.
I had to learn to count carbohydrates and I had to give up the two foods I loved most, pasta and sugar ice cream. (no one actually eats plain sugar so replace sugar with something sweet like ice cream or cake.)
Finally I was on a normal schedule again.I no longer has to wake up every two hours at night, which was a relief.
Concentrating on schoolwork was a priority, I did not want to get behind my classmates
For this reason, I have chosen study in the health field.
Studying nursing at Virginia Commonwealth University would allow me to explore many opportunities that await me - no comma after university
I will be exposed to a stimulating environment that will cultivate a superior education in the medical field, as well as take advantage of the many resources Virginia Commonwealth University and Richmond have to offer.
I would recommend you vary your sentence structure and use less simple sentences. Also you should change how you start your sentences because as of right now the majority of them begin with I.
Please read my UChicago essay.
thanks! here is the update
I have been homeschooled since the 10th grade when I was diagnosed with type one diabetes. I was devastated, how could this be happening to me? Taking painful blood glucose samples every two hour and giving myself four insulin shots a day, and changing my diet was something I never imagined would be part of my life. I had to learn to count carbohydrates and had to give up the food I loved most, pasta. I was not able to keep up with my peers physically, so I chose to withdraw socially and began to study at home.
After five months of adjustment, I began to get my life back to normal. Finally I was on a normal schedule again. I no longer had to wake up every two hours at night, which was a relief. Concentrating on schoolwork was a priority; I did not want to get behind my classmates. My energy levels were at an all time high; I was exercising and riding my horse again. I was fortunate to find a part-time job at a local university two afternoons a week.
Although diabetes has complicated my life, it has given me a new strength to challenge any problem or issue that comes my way. For this reason, I have chosen study in the health field. Studying nursing at Virginia Commonwealth University would allow me to explore many opportunities that await me. I will be exposed to a stimulating environment that will cultivate a superior education in the medical field, as well as take advantage of the many resources Virginia Commonwealth University and Richmond have to offer.
Last year, I decided to take a class at a local community college. I was concerned I might not be prepared as other students since I was homeschooled. However, I discovered that homeschooling could not have prepared me more for college; both require self discipline and motivation.
I still need to have 250-300 words..I now have 316.
I like you're essay, how u showed ur challenge and how you over came it. however, i think u should explain how overcoming the disease changed you. And i think u should save some words by decreasing your description of the problems caused by the disease
I have been homeschooled since the 10th grade when I was diagnosed with type one diabetes. I was devastated. Painful blood glucose samples had to be taken every two hours, giving myself four insulin shots a day and learning to count carbohydrates, how could this be happening to me? I was not able to keep up with my peers physically, so I chose to withdraw socially and began to study at home.
After five months of adjustment, I began to get my life back to normal. Finally, back on a normal schedule again, I no longer had to wake up every two hours at night, was a relief. Concentrating on schoolwork was a priority; I did not want to get behind my classmates. My energy levels were at an all time high; I was exercising and riding my horse again. I was fortunate to find a part-time job at a local university two afternoons a week.
Although diabetes has complicated my life, it has given me a new strength to challenge any problem or issue that comes my way. For this reason, I have chosen to study in the health field. Studying nursing at Virginia Commonwealth University would allow me to explore many opportunities that await me. I will be exposed to a stimulating environment that will cultivate a superior education in the medical field, as well as take advantage of the many resources Virginia Commonwealth University and Richmond have to offer.
Last year, I decided to take a class at a local community college. I was concerned I might not be prepared as other students since I was homeschooled. However, I discovered that homeschooling could not have prepared me more for college; both require self discipline and motivation.
Should I omit:
"I no longer had to wake up every two hours at night, was a relief"
