College Supplementary Essay (Computer Science Major)

Q:

Describe a challenge, setback, or failure you have faced and overcome.

What did you learn from this experience? (300 words)

A:

Chance. Freedom. Adventure.
With my newly found interest in computer security, I was busy planning what and how I will explore during my gap semester. Yet, deep in my heart, I struggled to mute the inner voice that echoed, "You are falling behind."

With nothing but a lust for learning, I read handpicked books, trained skills in practice labs, and joined countless communities. I spent days just to figure out a solution that worked, yet having no one to celebrate my wins with. Nonetheless, I was glad I was learning, even if it meant I had to become an instructor, TA, and friend to myself.

However, as time went by, I was falling behind my plan. To get back on, I arranged a tighter schedule and withdrew from my close friends. Every night, I put myself on trial and laid down a sentence of remorse and self-loathing solely based on the results, ignoring the process and the grind. Slowly, my motivation and discipline faded away and my passion turned into a burden. Left alone, I sank into debilitating darkness.

I open my heavy, swollen eyes. I roll out of bed to join my mom at the breakfast table. Silently, I confess, "Yesterday, I did nothing...What do you think?" Pointing her note saying 'I believe in Jennie', she answers, "Can you see this? I know you are trying, and that is enough." To avoid getting caught in tears, I quickly look away. From piles of notes and printouts in sight, I realize they are more than just a piece of writing. They meant the fear and bitterness I had to swallow. They mean the experience and power I have under my belt. After finishing my breakfast, I leave the table with a little note.

"I do too."

Note: I am not sure if the time shift(past -> present) sounds natural...

Any insight would be greatly appreciated and I'd like to thank people out there helping students like me!

This is an excellent piece of creative writing. It would be considered an excellent piece of story telling, but, it will never be considered a direct response to the question provided by the prompt. There is no lesson learned in this experience presentation. You are too hard on yourself in this presentation. You present all of the problems you encountered, but did not address a solution in an adult manner. Rather, after you fell into darkness, you stayed there. That is what the essay tells the reviewer, which I am sure is not the story you want to tell. I believe that you have over dramatized the situation, which is why you lost focus on what the prompt really wants you to discuss. This is a personal challenge, yes. However, you seem to not have overcome the challenge and instead, wallowed in self pity, which is not the kind of character an incoming college freshman should have. This essay shows that you are not prepared to enter college. It is not going to help your application. Change your approach to the discussion.

Thank you so much for your feedback. Thanks to your advice, I was able to see how off my approach was and have time to revise it before submission.

Thanks again and stay safe and healthy!