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Why Columbia (Located in New York, the hub of diversity)


alicimoo 3 / 24  
Dec 25, 2008   #1
Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why:

Located in New York, the hub of diversity, Columbia possesses one of the most diverse student bodies and award-winning faculties. As stated in its mission statement, Columbia is a school that greatly emphasizes "research and teaching on global issues" and offers a variety of traveling abroad programs to "create academic relationships with many countries and regions." As an aspiring doctor without borders and a student who is greatly interested in international issues, Columbia is perfect for me.

OR

Located in New York, the hub of diversity, Columbia possesses one of the most diverse student bodies and award-winning faculties. As an aspiring doctor without borders and a student greatly interested in international issues, Columbia's emphasis on global issues and various study abroad programs to connect with other countries greatly interests me.

-------
I'm not sure if everything flows well, especially my opening sentence?

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! :)

gmailblows31 6 / 21  
Dec 25, 2008   #2
I like the first one more, except for the last line. It's kind of corny. lol.
OP alicimoo 3 / 24  
Dec 25, 2008   #3
lol, yea I know. I'm still trying to find another way to end it so it doesn't sound completely cheesy and stupid. Thanks for the feedback. :)

Columbia has everything that I am looking for in a school? =/
gmailblows31 6 / 21  
Dec 25, 2008   #4
A bit better. Im not going to lie, I have the same cheesy line for GW, but you really should try to stand out. I couldnt think of anything so im no help :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Dec 26, 2008   #5
Located in New York, the hub of diversity, Columbia possesses one of the most diverse student bodies and award-winning faculties. As explained in its mission statement, Columbia is a school that emphasizes "research and teaching on global issues" and offers a variety of traveling abroad programs to "create academic relationships with many countries and regions." As an aspiring physician without borders and a student who is greatly interested in international issues, Columbia is perfect for me.

OR

Located in New York, the hub of diversity, Columbia possesses one of the most diverse student bodies and award-winning faculties. As an aspiring doctor without borders and a student greatly interested in international issues, I am attracted by Columbia's emphasis on global issues and various study abroad programs to connect with other countries.

Yes, you can add to the second one and make it better! The first one is not quite right... to much quoting from their own mission statement...

Good luck!!!


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