Columbia University doesn't accept Common Application or Universal Application.
So this is the only essay it required for its own application form.
Therefore, this is really very important and significant.
Thank you for reading and giving me some harsh comments.
(Please remember that we are concerned not only with the substance of your prose but with your writing style as well. We prefer that you limit yourself to approximately 250-500 words (or 1-2 pages).)
Sorry for writing a little long.
But I have no idea how to abbreviate it.
Hope you can help.
Once, for a long time I considered myself lived the fist eighteen years in my life paradoxically----wonderfully and painfully. The former nine years, wonderfully; the latter half, painfully.
From the moment I was born, I was treated as the apple of my family's eyes. Pink dresses, pretty dolls, attractive hair decorations...everything I desired to own would finally be mine. Every requirement I gave can be catered to. Never beat or even scolded seriously by my parents, I was coddled by them instead. I held the conviction that the best should always be left to me. Since I was the only child of the family, I never would like to, and never needed to consider others' feelings. Moreover, I was sent to learn dancing, piano, calligraphy and other talents that I wanted to learn. For nine years, I was saturated in that kind of warm and carefree circumstance; my life was always that smooth and happy. And I just believed that, life would always like that. In this way, I ushered in the tenth year of my life.
One night, my parents quarreled intensely and even fought with each other for some trivial things I do not remember anymore. I do remember it was the fiercest one that they threw things around and it ended up with the cold war between them. Who knows that the abominable war just continued and never ended up, even until now? They divorced and at first time I began to realize that life is not always that smooth. From then on, I started to live a totally different life.
After that, one day, suddenly, my mother brought a man home and made me call him "father". I still remember that at that moment I became tongue-tied and ran away in panic and in tears. Henceforth, I had to face to a group of new people and to live a new life, not positively or inspiringly new. Each of my behaviors had to be considered cautiously and prudently by me in order to cater to the harsh and unreasonable requirements of my step-father, for every negligent act would be notified by him to mother, exaggeratedly, which hence led to the accusations of my mother. The daughter of the step-father, who was also my younger step-sister that was eight years younger than me, was taken the most care of. I felt it exceedingly unfair and unacceptable to make such a change. No matter what she did, bad or even disastrous, I would like to scold her severely but should always forgive her, for it was the regulation I had to comply with without complaint. Sometimes even if I was "bullying" by her unreasonably, no one believed, or no one would like to believe that it was her fault. Once, a brand new stationery set I just bought flew without wings. I asked my sister that whether she had taken it away. She applied to me with a simple "no". But in my surprise, afterwards she just cried and even told her father that I slandered her. I was severely reprimanded by mother and step-father. Although a few days later the stationery set was found in room, no one prepared to give me an apology and the matter was no longer be mentioned. Therefore, "fortunately", every time I was accused of as the wrongdoer, but in my heart I was clear enough that I was actually the victim. In order to give my step-sister a complete family in her most significant phase of her growth, mother always went to my step-father's own house to accompany them. As a result, many nights I had to cook and live on my own. Also, many holidays, mother went to step-father's hometown, leaving me alone. I had to take care of myself for several days or even weeks. Therefore, I forced myself to be independent. In truth, at first, all those were the impossible tasks for me, for I never met that kind of situations in the first carefree nine years of my life. But I just completed those tasks one by one and saw them as the normal parts later in my life. Without my parents' holding my hands, I went to school and have ballet and piano lesson alone. Without my parents' gaze, I danced ballet or played piano on the stage for the first time aware of that the audience were still there. Without my parents' guide, I cooked without any experience but gradually gained more and more experience. Without my parents' help, I could no longer do nothing but scream when seeing some bugs or cockroaches which always made me feel sick at home; instead, I had to deal with those evil things all by my own. But really, luckily, in the end, I tackled with all of them well and learned to become optimistic. Gradually I found that the toughness I faced was more like a habit. I simply got used to acting that way. I got used to being independent because my mother and step-father paid little attention to me and I was forced to face and solve problems myself. So my way to the school was till completed alone but with bright songs. I got used to being responsible, for I had to try my best to fulfill the obligation of being an elder sister. So every time I got some great gadgets I would share some with my sister; when she fell asleep on the sofa, I would put a blanket over her; when she broke the vase, I would comfort her and take the responsibility. I got used to being tolerant and considerate, for I was no longer the only child in the family and I learned to tolerate and concede my sister as well as other people. So if she broke into my room and sneaked my things I would forgive her and tried to correct her bad habits by teaching her patiently; when there is only one good thing I would no longer select to possess it like I used to do but to give it to sister or the one who really needed that. I got used to being optimistic, for only in that way could I get through those difficulties. With these "habits", I lived the next nine years of my life, treating hardships as components of life rather than bafflements.
Now, I consider myself live the former nine years wonderfully and latter half meaningfully. The latter nine years is no longer painful for me, and I, on the contrary, would like to thank the experiences and years sincerely. Though I can not deny that sometimes I still miss those days when I could do casual and unrestrained arbitrary behaviors at my pleasure, I do not indulge in it, and this experience is the valuable treasure in my life. And thanks to those nine years, I am now strong in mind, strong in heart.
Once, f For a long time I have considered
myself lived the fist eighteen years in my life paradoxically -- wonderfully and painfully. ----> interesting thought!!
The former nine years I
experienced wonderfully; the latter half, painfully.
One night, my parents quarreled intensely and even fought with each other for some trivial things I do not remember anymore.
This is a powerful sentence. I don't know if you know how strong this sentence is; it makes an astute observation.
The daughter of the step-father, who was also my younger step-sister that was eight years younger than me, was taken the most care of. I felt it exceedingly unfair and unacceptable---> this is the part you can cut out. You wrote about how you were "spoiled" at the beginning of this essay, and now you are writing about a new kid getting all the attention. Don't talk about that jealousy; it reflects negatively on you. And besides, you have to cut out sme material to make this shorter.
What is the main truth, the main idea of the whole essay? Oh, I see at the end you used that astute intelligence again and observed that the painful half was the meaningful half!! Well done!! Show the reader clearly what you mean about how the painful part was the meaningful part. You are wise even though you are so young!
"Once, for a long time I considered myself lived the fist eighteen years in my life paradoxically----wonderfully and painfully"
This... doesn't really make sense. I understand what you're trying to say, but it's worded awkwardly. Take out the "Once", since "once" and "for a long time" mean completely opposite things and shouldn't be put together like that.
Maybe something like, "for a long time I considered my life a paradox of something wonderful yet painful". You might want to reconsider using the word "paradox" also.
I never wanted to or needed to consider others' feelings.
Josephine0411
One night, my parents quarreled intensely and even fought with each other for some trivial things I do not remember anymore. I do remember it was the fiercest one that they threw things around and it ended up with the cold war between them. Who knows that the abominable war just continued and never ended up, even until now? They divorced and for first time I began to realize that life is not always that smooth. From then on, I started to live a totally different life.
Reword that. Make it more clear.
After that paragraph, you have this huuuge paragraph. Split it up a little to make it easier to digest.
