Hello everyone,
The topic at hand is
"Describe an exceptional achievement in your academic experience and a lesson learned in your employment experience. How would your experiences support your choice of programmes and help you attain your goals in life? What are your plan(s) upon graduation? (Max 300 Words)".
Unfortunately, I come from an irrelevant field to the course so there really isn't any experience that relates to the course. I tried to make up for it by including my personal reason for picking the choice of programme, but I'm concerned that it might have caused the entire essay to go off-topic. I really need some help, any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
setting foot in the workforce upon graduation
"My ideal career is work my way up from a cyber-security specialist to a management position where I am able to supervise, direct and monitor a cyber-forensics department. In order to do that, I have to be technically adept in handling security incidents as well as have effective management and developmental skills to perform well in a management role. My experiences in the polytechnic the past few years have taught me to effectively manage and develop people to maximise their productivity to an organisation.
I have been passionate about technology since I was young. Outside of collecting the latest gadgets, I am also interested in building and upgrading my computer, as well as customising the user interface for a computer programme called "foobar2000" using the JavaScript language. While I had no knowledge of coding, I modified the code of 'skins' created by others. The process was difficult at first and there was multiple times where my modifications would 'break' the coding, causing me to start all over from the beginning. It was frustrating and disheartening at times but getting the desired look at the end made the whole experience worthwhile. The countless hours I spent made me realise how much I loved the problem solving and critical thinking process of revamping the code.
I believe that the courses I am applying for can give me the specialised education that I am looking for. Upon graduation, I would immediately set foot in the workforce to administer what I have learnt and undertake training for more security certifications to increase my employability. Lastly, I would like to thank you for your time reading this and I sincerely hope the university will consider me for a position in the courses."Hi Russel, I have read your writing. In my point of view, this is actually a good job, but you have needed a few improvements.
I think you directly present your passion in the first paragraph and give strong supporting sentences why you really like that subject. Honestly, your explanation about your favorite job did not afford to bridge your the first and second paragraph. It seemed an odd thing. It is better on condition that you explore your reason why you have tended to learn the subject.
Following that, you have lacked the explanation about your experience in a work field. You also need sharpening your reason why that is able to encourage your choice. What strength got from your employment timeframe enhance your skill. Furthermore, you can place your first paragraph after you explained those topics because it relates to your goal. That can keep coherence of your writing. However, you don't forget to deliver proper linking words to create the good flow so that you can guide readers to understand your mind.
To impress them, you can mention a course attracting you to be learned. You can review briefly about what you hope to achieve in the course. It will give a drawing that you have prepared to interface the courses in the college.
Hopefully, those can help you to finalize your writing.
GOOD LUCK
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Russel, when you are asked to use professional experience, you have to do exactly that. You cannot change the prompt requirements just because it does not suit you. That altering of the information clearly shows the reviewer that you do not have the foundation for the course you want to enroll in and, you also are incapable of following implicit instructions. As such, this essay will end your consideration for admission. What is the actual profession you are in? Why do you say that you do not have any professional experience that can relate to the course that you have chosen? If that is the case, then you should explain that you are doing a change of career and as such, have limited exposure to coding. Are you absolutely sure that there is no way you can imply some coding experience or relevant experience from your current work? Even if it is only as a user and not as a programmer? It is important that you deliver on the required elements exactly. Otherwise, you risk the non-consideration of your application.
Aside from that, you also do not reflect any sort of academic achievement. That does not have to be related to the new course of study you want to take, it just has to do with your abilities as a student. Do not neglect to deliver on all the prompt requirements because if you miss out on one representation, you could miss out totally on consideration. Add some sort of exceptional academic achievement that you have to speak of. Your whole essay will be useless if you cannot deliver on all the points indicated for the consideration of your application.
