University of Wisconsin Madison
Tell us about your academic goals, circumstances that may have had an impact on your academic performance, and, in general, anything else you would like us to know in making an admission decision.
Can u see if its good, coz englishz my 2nd and need proofs
In coming from a far country of Korea where culture and education system was a lot different, I inevitably faced difficulty adjusting to new American education. First the school where I enrolled to did not have any ESL classes, which made it a whole lot tougher for me in studying the classes where English is essential. Initially I made good grades getting As and honor rolls. I was focused and determined to strive to achieve excellence despite language difficulties. However as time went by, I began to lose my focus on academic studies. Being an adolescent with uncontrollable hormones overtaking body and mind, most of my attention was devoted to many of the girls to who have captured both my heart and mind. Also because I had personality in which if I set attention on one thing, I devoted whole of myself into it obsessively and anything outside of the interest blurs and fades as if they don't matter.
It was after finishing 10th grade that I regained my priorities as I realized my obsession was deteriorating my grades. I woke out of inattentive state of mind of which if it had continued, it would have had devastating mark on my life in general. During the summer I came to realize myself in general, my goals and hopes, my values and belief, and most definitely my dreams and the steps to take to realize that dream. Therefore I worked through my 11th grade with my priorities set in right place. And in the end of the year, I achieved A honor roll.
Now my ultimate goal is to be accepted to University of Wisconsin Madison where I can explore my studies in most fulfilling manner because of its excellent educational environment and programs. I also look forward to connect to the network and be part of exceling student body of University of Wisconsin Madison.
My academic goal in the University is to complete in business major. The reason for this major is because I am often curious on how the practical world operates. For instance, I find myself naturally wondering on the operations and daily interactions that take place at businesses such as Wal-Mart, fast-food restaurant, and grocery stores. Also since business is fundamentally the study of human interactions, I believe it is essential study no matter what type of path I choose after graduating.
In coming from a faraway country like Korea where culture and education system was a lot very different, I inevitably faced difficulty adjusting to my new American education.
This is very nice writing!
I think you should not use the word hormone in the essay. Omit the part of the sentence with that word, and the essay will be perfect!
Being an adolescent with uncontrollable hormones overtaking body and mind, most of my attention was devoted to many of the girls to who have captured both my heart and mind. Also because I had personality in which if I set attention on one thing, I devoted whole of myself into it obsessively and anything outside of the interest blurs and fades as if they don't matter. It was After finishing 10th grade that I regained my priorities as I realized my obsession was deteriorating my grades.
I put that sentence at the end of the first paragraph. I also cut sme unecessary words. what do you think of it this way?
I like the way you write!
Coming from a country like Korea, where the culture and education were very different, I inevitably faced many difficulties in adjusting to the American educational system.
First, the school where I enrolled did not have any ESL classes, which made it a whole lot tougher for me to study in classes where English was essential.
Being an adolescent, most of my attention was devoted to girls who captured both my heart and mind. Also my nature is such that if I set my mind on one thing, I devote myself completely to it obsessively.
You need to check more such grammatical mistakes. The ideas are good but it just needs a little more work on it.
