Common App Activities Short Answer- "Rhythm"

150/150 Words. Any comments/corrections?

Rhythm is prevalent throughout all my activities. From the rapid-fire pulsation of the heart from sprinting down the soccer field, to the calculated, carefully delivered speeches of Model UN, and the steady drudge of spackling when rebuilding homes in New Orleans, everything I do has a meter, cadence and tone. Nothing though, compares to the rhythm I draw from drumming. I've participated in this discipline for six years, through my own practice and four years of participation in High School band. I feel powerful behind the kit. I can drop a fat beat and slip in a slight sizzle of the cymbals. I am the master of time; the cornerstone and motor of any musical endeavor. In my own band, I command stage presence with loud clashes, light swing beats and inventive fills. My sense of rhythm informs my activities and keeps me in tune with the world around me.

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One unnecessary comma:
From the rapid-fire pulsation of the heart as I sprint down the soccer field to t he calculated, carefully delivered speeches of Model UN, and even the steady drudge of spackling when rebuilding homes in New Orleans -- ev erything I do has a meter, cadence and tone.

...and I added a dash at the end.

It will be nice if you say something about rhythm instead of just referring to it. Give a sentence that answers the question, "Does rhythm come from within you, or is it something that occurs naturally in nature and to which you are sensitive?"