Common App Essay. Short answer on Extracurricular activities. "Step up as a musician"

Please critique and comment on it!

Compelling sounds of bass always make my heart beat. When I first entered the school Jazz Band, I was ignorant of the genre, Jazz. Understandably, I was only a reserve player to whom only one out of three tunes was assigned; however, my self-assurance and love for music never deserted me. I always practiced and waited for an opportunity. Eventually, the chance came to me during the season. Our band's starting bassist could not attend the show, and the band needed a bassist urgently. I also was nervous watching the band director in dither and imagining the band without the bass, foundation of the band sound. Just at the moment, I stepped up. I decided to perform all three tunes on stage. Fortunately, show was successful, and I became the only bassist of the band ever since. Bass taught me the importance of step up and confidence. I stepped up and achieved recognition as a bassist. Through bass and music, I could develop myself, and find my spirit. Sound of bass still make my heart beat.

Thanks

Try not to be negative, change the wording to shine the best light on yourself.
When you say things like " I was ignorant of the genre, Jazz" and "Understandably, I was only a reserve player" and "waited for an opportunity." it sounds like you had little confidence in yourself.

You missed a few words:

The c ompelling sounds of bass always make my heart beat.

however, my self-assurance and love for music never deserted me.faded.

Just at that moment, I stepped up.

Fortunately, the show was successful, and I became the only bassist of the band ever since.

Through bass and music, I could develop myself developed fortitude , and found my spirit. The s ound of bass still make my heart beat.

Bass taught me the importance of step upresponsibility and confidence.