Common App Short Answer - Tae Kwon Do tournaments and gold medals

Elaborate on one of my activities(150 words or less)

As I trotted toward the center of the mat, I felt a drop of cold sweat dripping down my forehead. There stood my foe, looking down at my red and black belt. No, it wasn't fair. Just because I was undefeated in my rank did not mean I had to face an older and tougher black-belt opponent.

Before my brain was able to squeeze out the decisive tactic, the referee shouted "Shi Zak!" Sensing my reluctance to lunge forward, my foe quickly struck, hitting my abdomen twice. But as he backed away, I countered with my yup-cha-gi which landed on his face. He was down.

The crowd roared, and I stood awe-struck as my arm was raised high. Only when a gold medal was bestowed did I realize I had won the tournament.

It was the first of several gold medals in Tae-kwon-do tournaments for the determined Grade 7 boy.

Exactly 150 words loll!

i think there u need to change this line:

There stood my foe, looking down at my red and black belt.

I like this, but the application is supposed to focus on accomplishments during highschool (not 7th grade). I think this will work great without the last line. Plus you talk in first person and you switch to 3rd person for the last line (a little confusing). Other than that, you have found a good way to bring excitement to such a short essay.

Only when a gold medal was bestowed did I realize I had won the tournament. change to
When the gold medal was placed around my head, I realized that I did it; I won.

Maybe try a last sentence like: Tae-kwon-do gave me something nothing else would: confidence.

These are only suggestions look for more opinions.

"quickly struck">"struck quickly,"Only when a gold medal was bestowed">Only when the gold medal was bestowed

Thanks for comments!

Any other opinions on how to conclude this essay?

Yes, the next thing is to make connections by reflecting on common principles among martial arts and scholarship -- that moment of meditative focus.

Given that you only have 17 words rewriting the last sentence, maybe link it to looking forward to being part of the college team or another meaningful activity? Or linking college to the gold medals?? Be creative!!