Common App (Elaborate on an Activity -Music)

This is my elaboration on a personal activity. Can you give me any pointers please.

Music is my life. Writing and listening to it gives me an indescribable positive feeling. I wake up, eat,work, study, and sleep with melodies in my head. While I was growing up in my mom's belly, my father used to place the stereo close to her. I always had wondered if that's the reason why I like music so much. I wanted to be a professional singer but hearing myself sing in the shower quickly changed my mind. Music makes my day. It can change my moods, emotions and thoughts in a snap. When I'm sad it makes me happy, if I'm distracted it helps me focus. I think that without music my little platonic world wouldn't exist. Even thought I might never be a recording artist, if there is music in my life, there is one more reason to keep me going. (149 words)

Since you have word limits, I think you should better focus on what you have done so far in the music field, not your love for music. I think its better to let the institution know that you also play some instrument and your performance in your former days. How about that? Else, those few words are just going to make the reader know that you just like music. Not love! Better focus on your aptitude than your attitude towards music. I think this helps! :))

cliche!

Writing and listening to it gives writing and listening give...

While I was growing up in my mom's belly, my father used to place the stereo close to her. ---- this is nothing unusual or particularly interesting/impressive.

keep the verb tenses the same:
I always had wondered if that was the reason why I liked music so much.
or
I always often wonder if that's the reason why I like music so much.

I wanted to be a professional singer but hearing myself sing in the shower quickly changed my mind. ------ cool, that is getting interesting.

Music makes my day.------ ahh! Why write this here?

It can change my moods, emotions and thoughts in a snap. --- same is true of everyone.

When I'm sad it makes me happy, if I'm distracted it helps me focus. ---- run on sentence!

I think that without music my little platonic world wouldn't exist. ?????

Even though I might never be a recording artist, if there is music in my life, there is one more reason to keep me going. ------- what?!! why would you even consider not being a recording artist? Why are you not one already? Audacity is free. audacity.sourceforge.net/

Start this over. Consider this one a warm up exercise. Definitely dont tel the reader you might never be a recording artist, oh my word... Tell the reader things that show your unbreakable resolve.

check out this 4 min 20 sec piece for inspiration: youtube.com/watch?v=KxxuSiC4wNw

Writing is music, too! So... decide what effect you want to have on the reader and choose words that brig them to a deep state of mind.

:-)