PROMPT: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below.
I made two versions of the same essay, please correct and tell me which one is better!
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1st
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Bruno's Nightmare, Rubenstein's Revenge, and Burke's Barrage may seem like aggressive terms, but they are all just a few tricks I use in juggling. The actual skill is just as quirky as the names of its tricks. There are really no boundaries because one could take a trick and do it in many different ways, or create a new trick altogether. For example, I could pass seven or more balls, clubs, or torches to someone else in a unique rhythm, while on a unicycle. Juggling requires constant attention, which, ironically, makes it a great way to relax because it gets the mind away from other problems. As long as imagination is infinite, juggling will continue to promote new ideas and ease the world.
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2nd
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Juggling is not just a physical skill, but rather a form of communication. The people watching me perform by the street or in theaters did not need words to enjoy it and the children who were either deaf or diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome were not deterred by any barriers when I taught them how to juggle. It unites creativity, an ability everyone has, with a nimbleness acquired from further practice.
Bruno's Nightmare, Rubenstein's Revenge, and Burke's Barrage. Juggling is just as quirky as the names of its tricks. It has no boundaries, enabling me to do feats like passing knives on a unicycle with others in different patterns. Juggling requires constant attention, which makes it a great way to not only exercise but also, ironically, relax because it gets the mind away from life's routine. As long as imagination is infinite, juggling won't stop leaving others in awe.
I think the sentence 'The people watching me perform by the street or in theaters did not need words to enjoy it and the children who were either deaf or diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome were not deterred by any barriers when I taught them how to juggle.' sounds awkward, but how do I fix it?
Thank you for your help!
Cheers ~ :)
I made two versions of the same essay, please correct and tell me which one is better!
==========
1st
==========
Bruno's Nightmare, Rubenstein's Revenge, and Burke's Barrage may seem like aggressive terms, but they are all just a few tricks I use in juggling. The actual skill is just as quirky as the names of its tricks. There are really no boundaries because one could take a trick and do it in many different ways, or create a new trick altogether. For example, I could pass seven or more balls, clubs, or torches to someone else in a unique rhythm, while on a unicycle. Juggling requires constant attention, which, ironically, makes it a great way to relax because it gets the mind away from other problems. As long as imagination is infinite, juggling will continue to promote new ideas and ease the world.
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2nd
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Juggling is not just a physical skill, but rather a form of communication. The people watching me perform by the street or in theaters did not need words to enjoy it and the children who were either deaf or diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome were not deterred by any barriers when I taught them how to juggle. It unites creativity, an ability everyone has, with a nimbleness acquired from further practice.
Bruno's Nightmare, Rubenstein's Revenge, and Burke's Barrage. Juggling is just as quirky as the names of its tricks. It has no boundaries, enabling me to do feats like passing knives on a unicycle with others in different patterns. Juggling requires constant attention, which makes it a great way to not only exercise but also, ironically, relax because it gets the mind away from life's routine. As long as imagination is infinite, juggling won't stop leaving others in awe.
I think the sentence 'The people watching me perform by the street or in theaters did not need words to enjoy it and the children who were either deaf or diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome were not deterred by any barriers when I taught them how to juggle.' sounds awkward, but how do I fix it?
Thank you for your help!
Cheers ~ :)