Common app essay: A real connection: struggle-responsibilities

"My only Christmaswish is my father to get better soon"(awkward sounding)I would hear my brother saying every December.My brother would say every Christmas holiday.(this still sound weird in my mind so find a better way to express it)In my mind the only question I could make was: How do you explain to a 10ten year old kid that something is not reversible?(awkward) My father's health state was awas in a deep coma. The doctors said that he was not in a vegetative state because of different body reactions he did havehad . No one could understandunderstood his positioncondition;and the doctors described it as "an impressive case".

My mother tried, was working hard to give us the things we neededworked hard to give us what we needed. I was the middle sister but with my sister far away someone needed to take the responsibility of the older sister.but I took on the responsibility of the older sister since my eldest sister was (insert where she was instead of far away). Thirteen years old is not old enough to say that you are mature but someone needed to grow up fasterhad to step up to the plate . I wanted to give them (I thought you only had a younger brother and an older sis? who is them) the peace they neededdeserved.The biggest responsibility, I was not asked to take it.I was not asked to, I wanted toBeing my brother the only boySince my brother was the only boy, I learned how to ride a bike and play football to teach him. teach him, play football... and now check his school work.I checked his homework to ensure he was excelling in school.I wanted him to feel proud of himself and to not lack anything in comparison to the people that surrounded him.I wanted him to feel proud, and to not lack...(you should express this better)

Visiting time was exactlyonean hour. (not sure the relevance of this sentence)At four pm sharp I had to be there if I wanted to take the most time out of it, the most profit.I always went at 4PM sharp on order to make the most out of my visit.I remember entering the whitest room I have seen, clothes, walls, the color.I would always marvel at the stark whiteness of the room, the clothes, (did he have white clothes??) walls and floors were so bland.(or something to that extent if you don't wanna use bland) I started tellingwould tell him about my day, my adventures, my fears, my problems... and I would not receive an answer.but there was never an answer. I knew I was not going toI would not get one, but "hope is the last thing you lose", and I really wanted to hear one word or feel a squeeze in my hand. The doctors said that dadhe could not understand what I said, that his condition did not allow him . But in that time, the physical condition was the less important(kind of confusing)His big green eyes were staring at me; he was there when he was not supposed to be(reword) I wanted a scientific answer, an explanation,of this connection.a scientific answer.Even though I was raised in a Catholic family, I was taught that I should believe in facts more than in emotions. (you should connect Catholic more with the latter part of the sentence)But, those connections I heard before and refused to believe were as real as mine. Being there was for me like entering another world.(confusing - what are you trying to say here?)

When I got out of that small world, life as I know it was still there and it had to continue. To explain the health condition was the hardest, I would just avoid questions because I felt that even if I was seen as a person with strong character people would pity my situation. I saw myself sitting in the class and being asked the question: What is a human being? To what extent are we humans? My mind was blank, I wanted to say all what I thought but I could not. Until this I cannot remember of a time that I felt so insecure of myself and afraid. I grew up reading books, news and sitting in the adults tables inat the adult tables at house parties. My confidence was over boosted , (express differently) but this time it was different: my legs were shaking and my throat was clogged, as if something was pushing it. I could understand then what it really felt to be scared of being judged for what you think. That feeling never came to my mind before when I would criticize people for being "shy" or "scared".

"Goodbye" I said the 24 of august... after living in this situation for almost 5 years. I understood it, it was not my fault, the situation was not reversible, I just had to learn to live. What I learned in this time of my life shaped the person who I am. The painful situation made me grow up. And this, his struggle... was our family struggle as well.