Common App:Personal Statement (Am I portraying the right image?)

I choose topic number six on the Common App: Topic of your choice.
(Tear it apart if need be. Please and thank you!)

"Lift, snap, sniff, repeat. Lift, snap, sniff, repeat."

A bunch of nonsensical verbs to most people but for me, it's the bimonthly soundtrack to my never-ending quest to find the perfect smelling shampoo. Some call it being picky. I call it olfactory evaluation. I enjoy good smelling hair and in all seriousness, I can never decide whether "lemongrass" or "strawberry smoothie" smells better.

Throughout history mankind has frowned upon indecision. (He who hesitates is, supposedly, lost.) However, I see my hesitance to commit to such things, such as shampoo scents, as a central part of who I am.

I want to enjoy every option. With color. I simply can't decide on a favorite. Sure, I have to pretend on occasions that I have a favorite color because some Internet quiz wants to know, but deep down, I could never choose one color over another. How can I possibly decide with all of those colors out there? They're all beautiful, each and every one of them. And it's their culmination that makes colors wonderful, not a singular color. It's times like this that I enjoy my indecision. I can never favor one color or another, but I can enjoy all of my options equally.

I want to see both sides of the story. In politics. I don't see in black and white. With every issue, there's always a story with real people and real lives. In my mind things can't just be as clear-cut as yes or no. I don't place myself in a political party simply because I am hesitant on issues from both sides. Each has their merits and downfalls. I agree with one party more than the other, however that doesn't mean I don't share ideals with those in other parties. I find that because I have yet to designate myself a party I can look at both from a more holistic viewpoint. I can't decide whose views are right, but I can understand them.

I want to find the best choice for me. On music, it took me an eon to decide on an instrument. I adore my tuba now and have never made a better choice than to play it. However, discovering my instrument took much longer than anyone else. Forcing myself to explore every instrument until I found the one I could truly make music with. I couldn't decide what was better, but I did find the best for me.

I've come to discover that not every decision I've had to make has been as monumental as my next shampoo. But I know that when I make my next decision it will be well thought out, planned and executed. Even if it does take me half a year to think it through.

Well, I really liked the beginning with the shampoo thing - it catches the reader's attention.

Later on, however, I feel that the essay loses strength when you kind of ramble on about how each color is beautiful.
I like how you link your indecision to being able to think things through, but i have the feeling that admission officers might see it as a negative attribute instead. most of the times you will have to make tough decisions between one thing or another. they might get the feeling that you won't be able to cope with it.

anyway, this is just my opinion, so think it through and get some more opinions about it, because others might really like it.

could you read my essay?

good luck!

Yeah,that's what I thought too.
The admissions might see it negatively rather than positively. Oh poo...

Any thoughts on how to make that rambling on colours less... rambling?

I can never choose


"...politics, i dont see..."

its a really good essay! i enjoyed it, specialyl because i do the same with shampoos...and perfumes, my god i cant avoid spending hours in a perfume shops..

but i think there is room for a bit more structure. i think the politics part is a bit random and takes the readers mind off your 'sniff' topic. what u try to say is about humans never ending journey to find the absolute, and how it can not be found when you have so many variables. if u are hesitant to keep the politics part, then u should change the essay from being about smells and stuff, and more towards 'in-absoluteness' , but i dont think u want to do that.

also u should say where u want to go with your interest in smells. its fine if u dont have any plans; u dont have to have any. but i think it would be good to leave the reader with an future looking view of what your interest may develop into, otherwise it doesnt complete the requirements of a personal statement.

Good job! and good luck, i loved the essay
could u take a look at my personal statement? i havent really made up my mind whether i will submit it as my personal statement or not, can u help me with that? is it good enough material?

I enjoy good smelling hair, and, in all seriousness, I can never decide whether "lemongrass" or "strawberry smoothie" smells better.

This is pretty great.

You know how to write well, I think...

Oh... crash! It has great energy at the start, but you need to use the energy differently.

I want to see both sides of the story. In politics. I don't see in black and white. With every issue, there's always a story with real people and real live s. All this stuff is weak.

Okay, I like the way you show some of your personality at the start, but transition toward a grand ideal. Let the shampoo example support an assertion about providing people with simple dignity and options for self-expression.

:-) Come away from the hair care theme quickly, so that the essay becomes marvelous!