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Common App - Steve Jobs biggest Influence on me.



amansam5 2 / 4  
Sep 29, 2012   #1
The most powerful life lesson I have learned is that the secret to the world is that nothing is impossible with hard work, time, and a positive outlook. I have deduced such from Steve Jobs, a visionary that has left an everlasting influence on me. It is not his products that we pour endless amounts of money into and claim changed our life that inspires me, rather the reasoning to do such. I am honored to have viewed his impact first hand, rather than learning about it 100 years later in history class. He changed the way my mind thinks, acts, and does.

In 5th grade, I received my first iPod. At the time, I was just excited to be the first one in my class with the fancy music playing contraption that I didn't put much thought into the creation or genius behind it. Apple and Steve Jobs weren't the first to make a music player, but they took the idea and drastically improved it. He stood by the idea of looking where things are going, not where they have been. The same way Apple evolved, I have grown, proud of what I have to show. From birth, I pursued independence. Many of my childhood memories revolved around me doing "everything myself." Consequently, the feeling of belonging and accepted overshadowed my desired independence. After working with others, I have learned my desire for perfection, a tribute often acquainted with Jobs. I now admire my independence and do things as I desire, abandoning any negative reactions. Steve Jobs, a man fired from his own company, did as he pleased, and did all for himself, something that I admire wholeheartedly.

Looking to the future, I now aim to look forward and not dwell on mistakes of the past. Steve Jobs created a company that divulges information to the world's fingertips, creating less thinking, a stark contrast to his hopes for our generation. The final words of his powerful commencement speech at Stanford "Stay hungry. Stay foolish" capitalizes on the fact that limiting our mind is the biggest obstacle in the way of our dreams. Steve Jobs was born an everyday man such as ourselves but didn't go each day thinking such. Years ago when my family discovered he was a distant relative, I knew our minds were wired alike. After everything, my mind now thinks to the future and views myself different from everyone else. I hope to captivate on the characteristics that make me who I am and become half the powerhouse Steve Jobs was.

LTC Lawrence 1 / 5  
Sep 30, 2012   #2
I have some suggestions for your essay ...i think that you have put too much emphasis on how great jobs is than how much he affected you ...so you should use more details ,such as comparison ,for the impact of jobs...instead of these abstract phrases...that' just my opinion...
OP amansam5 2 / 4  
Sep 30, 2012   #3
thank you for that, I agree with you. This was a draft I quickly threw together and i can see your point.
angela0407 3 / 19  
Oct 1, 2012   #4
It is a nice flow of words and well-written. But I think the opening should get more fresh, this is a bit cliche.
For the context, be more detailed on how He changed the way my mind thinks, acts, and does.
Try your best to have a more stylish tone overall.
Please see mine if you have time. Appreciate that!!
LillyCullenT 2 / 16  
Oct 1, 2012   #5
I THINK you can write a far better Intro. But, again, I am not here to judge the way you write. Because what you write is what you think. And each and every one of us has his own way of thinking things over. Same goes with writing. Do NOT let anyone influence your way of writing. Write what you think describes your thoughts, and it's up to the colleges you are applying into to accept you or not. I can only help you with any Grammatical errors, typos, etc... And I can see that your grammar is quite GREAT!

SO, keep up the good work! I wish you the best of luck, Samantha!
Best,
Lilly Cullen


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