Hi. Please have a read and comment. This was a hard essay for me because there is not a Civil engineering department at UPENN. So I took a different approach from what I had planned.
Benjamin Franklin established the Union Fire Company, the Library Company of Philadelphia, the American Philosophical Society, Pennsylvania Hospital, and, of course, the charity school that evolved into the University of Pennsylvania. As they served the larger community of Philadelphia, each institution in turn formed its own community.Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania are most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn community?
Growing up in Dubai has been a great influence in my life. I have a passion for engineering after seeing the globally renowned engineering projects such as Burj Dubai, The World, Palm Islands and Burj Al Arab, which brought immense changes to the settlement that used to be a barren desert. Now that I am going to college, I want to develop this passion that I gained through Dubai, and I think the social and the academic communities of the University of Pennsylvania will allow me to do so.
I am interested in the School of Engineering and Applied Science (SEAS) at UPENN because it seems to be different from what I have expected. Initially, I thought engineering would be about big construction, which is what I saw in Dubai. But after doing some research on the UPENN website, I noticed that the study of engineering is broad and that there are aspects of engineering, such as Bioengineering, Computer Engineering and Material Science, that don't involve much construction. Therefore, I want to learn those different types of engineering so that I discover something new about the study. I know what engineering can bring to society because I was able to witness this in Dubai, and I believe that other types of engineering will bring great changes as well, since engineering is all about creation and problem-solving. However, I think that the process of bringing the change varies among the different types of engineering, and I want to see these differences during my time at UPENN. Thanks to UPENN's flexible first year curriculum, I will have the chance to learn about different departments available at SEAS at UPENN. Furthermore, through the various research centers and opportunities available on the campus, I think I will develop a wider knowledge of engineering. I am particularly interested in UPENN's Rachleff Scholars Program, which will give me the opportunity to research what I want to research within the fields of engineering and talk to faculty members from various departments within the School of Engineering and Applied Science. Also, through this program, I will have the opportunity to interact with my peers outside the classroom and laboratory through community-building activities that will enable me to gain broader skills and the practical knowledge of engineering.
At UPENN, I see myself taking advantage of every academic and research opportunities. However, I also see myself contributing to the UPENN community within the School of Engineering at Applied Science by participating in engineering student organizations in UPENN. Engineering is all about ideas, and I would like to share my knowledge and observation of the engineering marvels in Dubai so that my peers can learn something and turn it into an idea. My observation and my fieldwork research on the Burj Dubai may benefit someone who has not lived in a world where there are many skyscrapers. What I talk about the artificial islands on the sea of Dubai might enlighten many people who have never experienced something of that sort.
Going to a UPENN, I think my passion for engineering will develop. UPENN will give me a new sensation about engineering because UPENN offers me with the diversity of the engineering course, strong research opportunities and a society of engineers whom I will work with cooperatively and share ideas with enthusiastically. As a person with only a small dream gained through my childhood life in Dubai, I think my dream will grow into a reality during my time at UPENN.
Thank you for reading.
I think your first sentences take too long to get to the point:
Growing up in Dubai, I
has been a great influence in my life. I have a passion for engineering after seeing the have witnessed the development of globally-renowned engineering projects such as Burj Dubai, The World, Palm Islands and...
I think it is nicer if you trim it down that way.
...and I think the social and the academic communities of the University of Pennsylvania will allow me to do so. ----> this is a very nice way to introduce the idea that you are interested in the school, but you CAN say something more specific, more descriptive of you. Every applicant could make this statement. End your first paragraph with a statement that is specific instead. Give your personal attitude toward the situation.