For the past eighteen years, I have lived in _________, a neighborhood in Boston. Coming from such a diverse community, home to transient college students as well as new immigrant families, I am a conglomerate of different experiences and walks of life. I am a person is inspired by the struggling musician from Berklee who shares the two room apartment next door and by the single mother down the street. I am a person who silently listens on summer mornings to Tchaikovsky from the man across the street. I am a person who sips spicy Indian tea in the spring afternoon while watching Spanish action films. Coming from such a neighborhood, full of rich cultures and peoples from different backgrounds, has influenced the person I am today. It has given me my own perspective on life, one in which I am open-minded and knowledgeable. It has allowed me to live a life that is truly global.
What do you guys think of this? Is it weak? DEADLINE SOOOON.
I forgot I got TUFTS due today too. lol
Anyways...
It sounds good. It really shows how you became open-minded.
You answered the prompt well. I especially like how you described all those people from different backgrounds. It sounded effortless and it flows.
Anyone else interested in editing this? Do you feel it's kind of bland and elementary? How can I further develop it?
Just to let you know, I wrote something very similar to this for Tufts, but the two guidance counselors that read it did not like it so I wrote something completely different. If I wrote something like this, others may have also.
Tufts Supplement Essays - Who I Am, Why Me?
Why Tufts?
When I think of Tufts, I think of globalization. I think of how the world is changing, and how like Tuft's student body, it is becoming more diverse and intertwined. I think of how Tufts knows this, and with requirement of a World Civilizations course, focus in international relations and foreign language fluency, it strives to produce students that are well educated and prepared for this changing world.
ORRRRRR THIS ONE:
Let your life speak. [IS THIS GENERIC?]
For the past eighteen years, I have lived in Allston, a neighborhood in Boston. Coming from such a diverse community, home to transient college students as well as new immigrant families, I am a conglomerate of different experiences and walks of life. I am a person is inspired by the struggling musician from Berklee, who shares the two room apartment next door, and by the single mother down the street. I am a person who silently listens on summer mornings to the Ukranian man across the street, who magnificently plays Tchaikovsky. I am a person who sips spicy Indian tea in the spring afternoon from my neighbors down the block, while watching Spanish action films. Coming from such a neighborhood, full of rich cultures and peoples from different backgrounds has influenced the person I am today. It has given me my own perspective on life, one in which I am open-minded and knowledgeable of the world. It has allowed me to live that is truly global in my own sense.
What will you contribute to the class? How are you unique?
I have an obsession with foreign music. I'm not exactly quite sure why, but I do. I get excited hearing the ballads of the Arab pop-stars, Sami Yusuf and Nancy Ajram, the feisty Spanish tracks put out by the Mexican artist, Juanes, and the rock singles from the Japanese band, Arashi. Simply hearing the sound of their music puts me in a state of jubilation and delight. On occasion I have been known to abandon the music scene in the United States for months at a time in favor of music from the Czech Republic or that of Lebanon. Lately, I've relapsed again, but this time into a state of shock, overwhelmed by the music scene in South Korea. But it's not all that bad because I get to learn about a new culture and language each time I retrogress. Last time when I dove into the songs of Sami Yusuf and Nancy Ajram, I ended up taking a six week course in Arabic. This time, I might learn some Korean.
By bringing my diverse interests to Tufts I can contribute to the richness of the Class of 2014. [Don't know how to finish this.]
I WILL EDIT BACK!!!
Come onnnn
"I am a person that is inspired by the struggling musician from Berklee..."
I though you should also vary your sentence structure up a bit in the Quaker saying one. You have 3 sentences all starting with "I am", and while you may be striving for this repetition I don't think it works. To make it less generic you could try concentrating on one specific event in your neighborhood instead of just touching on several, since while everyone knows Tufts is all about diversity, you need to show more than the fact that you had tea with your Indian neighbors...just a thought. Best of luck, I submitted mine a couple of days ago, 2 hours 39 minutes to go...
For the past eighteen years, I have lived in _________, a neighborhood in Boston.
Right after this sentence, iy would be better if you gie an example that shows what kind of neighborhood it is, just a glimpse into the neighborhood.
A perspective in which I am open-minded?
It has given me my own perspective on life, one
in which I am from which I can see the value of open-mindedness and knowledge.
It has allowed me to live a life that is truly global. ----and I think that last sentence is weak because it is unsubstantiated. It is better to chop it of and end with the good sentence about perspective.
:-)