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I consider myself to be the luckiest person alive, despite the fact that I don't own a Cadillac..

SalmanKhagga 1 / -  
Nov 16, 2014   #1
Help me with it. Does it actually reflect me in the essay?

The prompt is: Some students have a background or a story that his so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it.

People often say that they are lucky because they own a Cadillac or a hundred acre mansion in London. Well, in my opinion I consider myself to be the luckiest person alive and the main reason for my perception is what I have inherited from my parents. Usually, children inherit the same eye or hair color from their parents but I have inherited much more; a passion for learning. This unquenchable curiosity has served me well throughout my academic career. I was always among the high achievers in school, confident and comfortable at occasions and always voiced my opinion. My father, a successful landlord noticed my intellectual curiosity and always encouraged me. He had dreamed of one of his children to become a doctor and I was certainly the one to complete his dream because he believed in me, motivated me and tried to bring the best out of me.

I still remember I was in the ninth grade when father took us to the village in extreme winters. The villagers had prepared lots of traditional food for us served on the hand crafted rugs near the rice fields. While eating the delicious lunch my eyes got struck on a barefooted young boy, standing around ten to twelve yards away from the dining area and looking towards the sky. With increasing curiosity I left the food, got up and started to walk towards the boy. As I moved closer I could observe that the boy was murmuring something. Hesitantly, I asked the boy what was he doing there and where were his shoes. He replied, "I sold my shoes to save money and become a doctor and save my mother." "Save your mother? What happened to her?" I questioned anxiously. With tears in his eyes the boy answered, "She told me she is going to leave me forever because she has a cancer." For me it was a moment of "I have no idea what to say", my heart broke into a million pieces and I felt like I have a storm cloud hanging over my head. Until then the boy ran away. Dejected, I went back to the dining rug and sat down quietly. My mother noticed my petrified face and questioned me about what happened to me. There was nothing that I could explain to her. In the evening we started our journey back to home (Lahore) and during the journey I remained completely lost in myself. We reached home late night, everyone went to their rooms and so did I. All night I could not sleep and then I realized that instead of taking the boy's words for granted I should take it as a reason to challenge myself, get determined and become a doctor. The situation which I had faced held a strong message for me that dreams are not just dreams; they are a reflection of what an individual is capable of accomplishing. If a young boy could sell his shoes to fulfill his dream for the sake of his mother then why I cannot do it. I possessed all the potentials and resources and what I only wanted was a mental heave which I received that day.

I prepared myself mentally for the field of medicine and started to work even more hard. In school while my friends joined co curricular activities and participated in competitions, I kept myself busy as an intern in the Fatimah Memorial Hospital which gave me better understanding and experiences required for my desired field.

Considering the young boy's spirit I have understood that for me, now is the right time to achieve my goal for medicine. My compassion has become my identity and it will lead me to my goal. My mental commitment and persistence to flourish will help me through the years to come and I look forward to my future with extraordinary expectations.
alberic - / 10 1  
Nov 16, 2014   #2
I found one mistake when it comes to grammars in your essay

1.My mother noticed my petrified face and questioned me about what had happened to me

In terms of the essay, I think that you also should focus more specifically on the way you have been preparing yourself to become a doctor. There is too many information about the boy who you encountered back then.

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