'the contemporary world through different lenses' - Why Columbia

Last winter, I took the 1 train and stopped at 116th Street. Following the crowd of young people, I paced a few steps and arrived at the entrance to Columbia. I froze at there, doubting Columbia's proximity to the subway station and its connection to the city of myriad opportunities.

While I was walking into the campus, I stopped by a young man who is walking in the opposite direction and asked him how to get to the Low Memorial Library.

"Are you visiting the school?" He asked.
"Yes."
"Every building is covered in snow now. I have some time, I will just walk you there." At that instant, I knew Columbia is filled with compassionate people and I wanted to be part of that community.

As I was walking around Columbia, the tour guide introduced the Core Curriculum and I became more obsessed with Columbia. For me, having intellectual discussions with my peers is the most effective way to fortify and extend my understanding of a subject. Yet, in my high school, many of my peers take different classes than me and I often had difficulty finding someone to discuss the subjects I am learning. Whereas at Columbia, students share a strong intellectual connection that they can spark an intellectual discussion with any others in the school. By exposing students to explore topics ranging from archaic literature to music to modern science, the Core will not only give me the opportunity to explore the application of different ideas, but also the knowledge to examine the contemporary world through different lenses.

How can I make the ending stronger.
Any edits?

I really liked how you put the beginning as an experience that influenced you. The creativity really makes you look distinct. I'm really impressed with and enjoyed it.

The ending you worded was also pretty strong, you show what Columbia can do for you through personal appeal and from reading all the other Why Columbia Essays on the site, I say your's is one the best.

I can't find anything wrong with it.
Other than that, you really show yourself deeply and effectively.

I hope my advice helps. Can you give my Princeton Summers essay a read?

I will definitely look at yours later. Any edits?

I froze there...


"Are you visiting the school?", he asked.

I can't find any other errors other than that.

I gave my Princeton Summer essay a revise and I was wondering if you can read it again.

I stopped by a young man who is..

I think the "is" should be a "was", but I am not sure since i am a non-native speaker. Other than that, I think that this is a really good one. Good luck(:

In my opinion, to add a little umphf to the ending,

" By exposing students to explore topics ranging from archaic literature to music to modern science, the Core will not only give me the opportunity to explore the application of different ideas, but also the knowledge to examine the contemporary world through different lenses. "

Rearrange the sentence in a way that completely removes the word "students" and focus entirely the bond between yourself and what Columbia has to offer. Sometimes wording can change a lot... I think if you did that, it would make a more personal and impacting ending.