I have got a Cornell Supplement essay - it need to be checked

Can someone edit my essay? I can email it to you if you leave your email down.

My life revolves around computers, games and sports. I spent a lot of my free time playing video games, but at the same time I wanted to create one as well. My game creating experience started in my high school Intro to Computer Science class. The most important thing I learned in this course was that computer science was elegant ways to solve everyday problems. You could literally write code for a program to do anything with computer science.

My final project was to create anything using HTML as the front end and Python as the back end. My group and I decided to make a game many people know as Battleship. Battleship was a board game where two players set five ships on a 10x10 board. Each player had to randomly, but strategically call out points on the board to destroy all of the opponent's ships. It was up and running and I shared it with all my friends. Soon enough we were all playing this game online instead of the real board game.

The Battleship game success wasn't enough however. I wanted to further expand my knowledge of computer science by enrolling in the AP Computer Science course in my junior year. This is when I became interested in Computer Science. This course in my school taught me about the importance of teamwork in a real life example of how computer science professionals work in an environment. Almost every large assignment was with a team.

For our final project, I wanted to challenge myself and make something far better than the Battleship game I made last year. After everything I learned, I soon decided that the concept behind the code for Battleship was for babies. To take the next step, my team and I decided to recreate the childhood classic, Megaman. Our group had to teach not only ourselves, but also each other how to do fancy things in Java. That included transferring an image onto a GUI(Graphical User Interface) then using keyboard events to make the character run and jump with just the press of a button. Space bar was for jump. The up, down, left, and right keys were to move the character. The X key shoots. We also had to use our knowledge of physics to incorporate real life gravity so the jumping action seemed more real. We also had to add in power-ups and enemies along with a system of leveling up. Our project came out perfect.

I am always looking for the next big step to challenge myself. I believe Cornell University is perfect environment where I can constantly challenge myself to do something better than I have done before. Because of this aspect of me, I am always looking for ways to help people out. In Cornell, I believe I can take that trait to the next level and improve the world as a whole. In Cornell's College of Electrical and Computer Engineering, I can use their research programs because half of ECE's staff includes their students in research groups. On these groups I can also meet the technical leaders of today and tomorrow. One thing I look forward to participating at Cornell is the Mars Rover program, where I can use my engineering brain to build rovers to simulate being in outer space. I hope to be in Cornell's Engineering Quad one day, where I can learn and practice electrical and computer engineering.

Jack, you don;t understand how this forum works. This is an open and public place where you can post your individual essays in separate threads for the review and comments of the users. Forum rules do not allow us to share our email addresses with other users in order to prevent spamming and flame messages. If you do not feel comfortable posting your essays here, then we cannot help you.

However, if you trust us enough to help you through the public access method, I assure you that you will become a part of a very helpful community or people who support each other and do not stop till we have helped each other achieve the best essay that we can. You won't be sorry for trusting us. It will be an unforgettable experience that you will greatly benefit from :-) I really suggest that you give us a chance to show you how this open community service can be of great help to you :-) We look forward to reading your essay.

This is a very good supplemental essay. I am assuming that it asks you discuss something that you were not allowed to discuss or not asked to discuss in the common apps? I have just one comment though, you make it seem like computer programming is something so second nature to you that you do not have any struggles when it comes to coding and debugging. It would make your essay seem a bit more human and connected to you if you present a little bit about the struggles that you had as you worked on reaching those accomplishments of yours. It would show that you have the mindset of a programmer and that you know how to work under pressure and impossible work environments which sometimes exist for college students. I believe that your essay would greatly benefit from such an addition as right now, you seem like a superhero rather than a student who still has a lot to learn from his mentors at his future university :-) You speak about challenges and how you hope Cornell will be able to further challenge you. Mentioning some fields that you hope to be challenged in while studying will also be a plus factor for your application.

do you think i should get rid of the entire battleship part and explain more about the hardships of the other game

Jack, you discuss which ever game was harder for you to develop in order to better present your abilities as a computer programmer. If you feel that the other game will do that for you, then delete the reference to the Battleship game and then revise the essay to reflect only the discussion of the new game. The challenges that developing the other game presented to you will show the development of your critical thinking abilities and the way that you use computer coding in order to make it behave the way you need or want it to. The Battleship game was already in existence before you tinkered with it for your school project so there wasn't much you could have done to alter that program. Developing your own software game though, that shows talent, skill, and an advanced understanding of computer codes which is sure to make an impression of some sort on the reader.