What matters to you, and why? 100 - 250 words
Each morning when I wake to the sight of cotton candy clouds, I realize that the sky matters to me. The way the clouds reflect the hues of the morning sun, lighting up the sky with soft pastels, demands my admiration. When I return home from a particularly exhausting day, I can appreciate the fluffy, white clouds that decorate the sky, emphasizing its brilliant blue. After a long period of studying and homework, I find comfort in the fiery sunset that marks each evening.
The beauty of the sky allows me to escape time and just be. I lay on the grass, gazing up at the clouds as they slowly drift across the sky, and I allow myself to move far away from the world of school, responsibilities, and expectations. It's just me and the clouds. This time I have to think, feel, and wonder under the safety of the sky is something I cannot go without.
Hi Alyssa
This is a beautiful little essay. However I am not sure if your essay will meet the request. The propmt is "what matters MOST". And since you are applying for an undergraduate degree, it may be a good idea to write something related to the major your are applying for. If you are applying for literature this can be a good idea. But for other majors I am not sure.
Hope to hear a professional opinion.
I think you need to focus the essay back towards yourself in a way that the thing that matters to you shows a reflection of one of your beliefs, passions, etc.
For example, one of my friends who attends Stanford wrote about sandwiches (something very typical, but actually his favorite dish), but tied it together with a reflection of differences in culture and tolerance and was essentially a huge metaphor for his view on life. Another friend is a huge writing/reading/fanfiction nerd and wrote about stories and how they reach across cultural differences and are basically essential to human society.
Now, I'm not saying that your essay necessarily needs to be as grand as that, and this is probably not indicative of every accepted student at Stanford. But, through my personal evidence, your essay does need to show something that you are more passionate about. You may be passionate about clouds, but the only thing that really translates to me in this essay is your necessity for relaxation (which you happen to like doing outside). If this is something you feel really represents you as an individual, then I suggest you elaborate on your need for something like inner meditation, balancing work/fun, etc.
Hope this helps!
Alyssa, the prompt is asking you to discuss something that matters to you. I think you misunderstood is as something that you like to do which, in this case is watching "cotton candy clouds". You said that the sky matters to you but you don't really offer a solid discussion of why that is. You need to thresh out the details of its importance either through the activities that you perform, or through your beliefs about the sky and the clouds in it.
For example, when I think of the sky and why it is important to me, I can't help but think of the thinning ozone layer and the changing world climate. My essay would therefore, be centered along those thoughts. So, if I were to discuss this essay, I would most likely say something along these lines (I'll try to incorporate the cotton candy clouds theme into it):
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Each morning, I wake up, look out my window and stare at the cotton candy clouds right outside my window. As I sit and stare, I can't help but feel saddened about the situation of what lies beyond the clouds, the sky and our ever thinning ozone layer. The reasons why we have an ever changing climate that seems to try to end our world with every storm that comes across our planet. That is why the clouds matter to me. If the clouds disappear, what will be left? Our damaged skies? Would our world still be the same without the clouds that protect us from the rays of the ozone layer? Is there something that I can do to help prevent any further damage to our planet?
Those are the questions that linger in my mind as I start my day with what I term to be my "sky watch". Those are also the reasons that have led me to become an environmental conservationist. For if we do not take care of our environment, we risk the loss of the clouds and the sky, and losing those, will mean the end of our world as we know it.
Our cotton candy clouds hold the protect us from the illness of the skies above. I understand that concept. That is why those cotton candy clouds are very valuable to me.
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What i wrote above is just an example of how you can tackle the essay using your chosen theme. Feel free to use my work or develop something new for yourself. Use the statement I wrote as your guide. Good luck with your revision :-)
@vangiespen I love this idea. Environment conservation is one of my interests but I wasn't sure how to incorporate it into any of my essays. Thanks for the great idea!
This is my revised version, hope you all could take another look and give your thoughts on this version.
Every morning when I wake to the sight of cotton candy clouds, I know that the sky matters to me. The way the clouds reflect the hues of the morning sun, lighting up the sky with soft pastels, demands my admiration. When I return home from a particularly exhausting day, I can appreciate the fluffy, white clouds that decorate the sky, emphasizing its brilliant blue. After a long period of studying and homework, I find comfort in the fiery sunset that marks each evening. Late at night, I am overcome with drowsy awe as I gaze up at the constellations sparkling in the darkness.
Each time I look at the sky, I am reminded of its fragile beauty. I cannot help but wonder what will become of it if we continue to pollute the planet. Will the stars shine through the thick, polluted air? Will the sun's rays penetrate the smog? How could I, so small and among so many, possibly prevent this? These are the thoughts I am forced to consider when I look towards the clouds. I am not just an observer of the Earth's scenery; I am active member in it. Every decision I make, no matter how small, can affect the planet. The preservation of the Earth matters to me, because I hope that 100 years from now, someone else can admire the sunrise just as I do each morning.
Alyssa, the revised essay is almost sheer perfection in my opinion. You were able to highlight the important details of your opinion and also managed to offer some pretty reflective thoughts. The overall effect of the essay is quite good because the essay engages the imagination, contemplative, and analytical side of the reader. Therefore, the essay is not a mere response, but a call to action as well. That is some fancy work you did there :-)
There are some grammar improvements that can be made though:
After a long period of studying and homework, I find comfort in WATCHING the fiery sunset that marks each evening.
Will the stars STILL shine through the thick, polluted air? Will the LIGHT OF THE sun's rays penetrate the smog? THE ANSWER TO ALL THE QUESTIONS IS, MAYBE NOT. SO I BEGAN TO THINK. How could I, so small A MERE SPECK OF AN ENTITY ON THE PLANET and among so many , possibly prevent this?
I am active member PARTICIPANT in it.
Applying the aforementioned corrections should bring the essay into its final format. Ready for you to use.
Thank you so much for your help. I've made the suggested changes.
