Describe a setting in which you have collaborated or interacted with people whose experiences and/or beliefs differ from yours. Address your initial feelings, and how those feelings were or were not changed by this experience.
As I reviewed the paper telling me the classes I was eligible to take as a junior, I noticed a void: only two business classes were offered to students, and one was for seniors exclusively. This concerned me because students on my campus with a passion for business, such as myself, had no outlet to pursue their interests. Eager to turn concern into action, I created the Investment Club, a club that allows high schoolers to simulate competitive stock market investing. I founded the club to not only to provide a resource for students to learn about business, investing, and finance, but also to create an opportunity for students to get involved on campus, fostering those with similar interests to meet and exchange ideas.
As a result of the varying backgrounds of the students in my club, I was able to interact and work alongside those who had differing viewpoints and experiences than mine. My club was comprised of students of varying grades, ethnic backgrounds, and religions. Initially, I was ecstatic to see such a wide range of people brought together by a single common factor, a passion for business. During lunch meetings, the only arguments between the members were about investment strategies and business topics, not about political issues or race conflicts. Even when our investments didn't do as well as expected, there were never any fingers pointed, the only thing that mattered was learning from our mistakes in order to be better in the future.
On one occasion, one of the members, an immigrant from Nicaragua, told the club about the daily discrimination he faced on campus and how it negatively affected him. He explained how others thought he wasn't a capable student because of the fact that he was an immigrant. However, he told us that the atmosphere of the club was an encouragement to him because no one ever doubted his ability and everyone was so confident in him.
This experience made me realize how proud I was to be the leader of a club that had such a positive impact on someone's life just by showing that person kindness and encouragement. My feelings regarding those with differing experiences and beliefs than mine remained constant throughout my time as leader of the club. I did learn, however, that when a group of people are motivated by a common goal, differences such as race and religion are meaningless. It is a leader's job to realize this and to encourage and motivate the group in order to achieve the desired goal.
Chad, the essay that you wrote contains more elements that will respond to the prompt about challenging a belief or idea and what you did to change it rather than being involved in an activity where you collaborated or interacted with people whose experiences and/or beliefs differ from yours. Don't forget that the essay prompt asks you to consider people who have different ideas or beliefs that had a meaning or perception different from yours. Your essay does not, in my opinion present this event in your narrative.
What you discussed here was how you set up a club and led it. How you welcomed the members and turned them into friends. This is a diversity topic if I ever read one. It does not present an obstacle that you had to overcome because of the fact that the person or situation forced you to analyze your own beliefs or ideologies in life. This essay is all about showing the extent of your open mindedness regarding various topics and situations.
You need to choose a situation from your life where you felt that you were being forced to change who you are or what you believe in so that you can fit into a group or gain acceptance from your peers. For example, you were faced with a roommate who had a strikingly different personality from yours. How did you view this person at first? What was the situation like? How did you meet your roommate halfway? Or maybe you learned to accept him as he is. Now, that is only an example. Maybe you have a similar situation in your life that you previously experienced. If you can try to find a situation that will address a change in mindset for yourself or acceptance of something yo finally realized you could not change, then you will have found the correct response to the prompt.
Hi Chad,
I try to give you some comments.
To be honest, I envied to you when I read your essay. Such a great story, Nice experience. But, I was little bit bored, sorry to say, when I read the first paragraph. In my opinion, it is better if you straight to do point in the second paragraph. I really enjoyed when I moved directly without seeing in the first paragraph. on the other hand, You should tell about unique feeling based on your story. I find that your conclusion is only general opinion, seems like common people who join in an organization. Find your particular feeling when you listen yous friend's story. So, you can emphasize that the community is really special for you.
I have some tips for writing essay based on experiences. I told to many people who joined in this forum. But, maybe it can be useful for you. Use method : STAR, your story should include, Situation/Task (what kind of jobs/responsibilities you tackle/handle or the situation that you experience), Action (what did you do to solve/accomplish/response problems/troubles/tasks/obligations/situation/experience etc.), and Result (what happen when you did your action). This method will help you to make the flow of story attractively.
Good luck, I hope it helps.
Hey Chad! These are some of my thoughts on your essay.
I don't think you dive deep enough to fully answer the question. You show how the business club has affected you but you address the "collaboration or interaction" part very weakly. In my opinion, I would choose a specific conflict and expand on that. You said that there were arguments about different investment strategies, so maybe pick a specific and profound argument that affected your perception of investment and expand upon that.
