Personal Essay
Choose an issue of importance to you - the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope - and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
Please tell me if my essay is good for this topic. Also I think my ending is real weak, so if anyone can help me with that..
Here is my Essay:
Houston is one of the most crime-ridden cities in all of America, which is one of the reasons why my family moved to Sugar Land, a suburban city southwest of Houston. While there may not be as much crime in the Sugar Land area, crime definitely exists. I've had friends who lost loved ones due to violent robberies, but I never thought a violent crime would take the life of someone close to me. I later experienced a tragedy that made violent crime the most important issue I've had to deal with.
It was just another school night as a freshman in high school. I checked to see if I completed all of my homework assignments and was ready to hit the sack. After reciting a few prayers, I fell asleep at around ten o'clock. In the middle of the night, I awoke to a noise and was startled to see my brother in my room. When I asked him "what happened," he told me that my parents went to my uncle's house. He knew why they went there, but didn't want to frighten me, so he told me that he didn't know why. I guessed that they probably just went to talk since my uncle usually arrived from work after midnight, so I just fell asleep.
When I woke up in the morning, I noticed that my brother was still in my room, lying on the floor. He finally told me what had happened "Altaf Uncle got shot." My heart sank, I was devastated. Immediately, I asked "is he still alive?" He told me that he didn't know. I started praying for his life, not knowing that he actually died at the scene of the murder.
When I watched the story on the news, I saw the video of the robbery. The gunman put on his mask as he walked from behind the store. He then entered the convenient store and rushed toward the counter with a gun pointed at my uncle, a store clerk. He handed a duffel bag to my uncle and demanded cash and cigarettes. My uncle didn't even look nervous. He quickly and calmly pulled out the drawer from the cash register and dumped the cash into the bag. He then threw all of the cigarettes into the bag without any hesitation despite having a gun pointed at his face. The robber took the bag and rushed toward the door. As he was about to exit, he turned around, aimed at my uncle and pulled the trigger on his handgun and ran. The bullet hit my uncle's neck. The other store clerk and my uncle's dad were in the back. They ran to my uncle and dialed 9-1-1. My uncle died in his father's arms before the ambulance could arrive.
This tragedy was extremely difficult for my family and me to deal with. I was in awe at how someone could take another person's life in cold blood. Crime affects everyone in the city of Houston. People working in stores are risking their lives because there are many criminals out there that would do anything for money. Even customers are in danger when they are present during a robbery. There is close to three hundred murders every year in Houston. Violent crime is an issue that instills fear into people. There must be a way to reduce the number of murders the city of Houston has every year.
Choose an issue of importance to you - the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope - and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
Please tell me if my essay is good for this topic. Also I think my ending is real weak, so if anyone can help me with that..
Here is my Essay:
Houston is one of the most crime-ridden cities in all of America, which is one of the reasons why my family moved to Sugar Land, a suburban city southwest of Houston. While there may not be as much crime in the Sugar Land area, crime definitely exists. I've had friends who lost loved ones due to violent robberies, but I never thought a violent crime would take the life of someone close to me. I later experienced a tragedy that made violent crime the most important issue I've had to deal with.
It was just another school night as a freshman in high school. I checked to see if I completed all of my homework assignments and was ready to hit the sack. After reciting a few prayers, I fell asleep at around ten o'clock. In the middle of the night, I awoke to a noise and was startled to see my brother in my room. When I asked him "what happened," he told me that my parents went to my uncle's house. He knew why they went there, but didn't want to frighten me, so he told me that he didn't know why. I guessed that they probably just went to talk since my uncle usually arrived from work after midnight, so I just fell asleep.
When I woke up in the morning, I noticed that my brother was still in my room, lying on the floor. He finally told me what had happened "Altaf Uncle got shot." My heart sank, I was devastated. Immediately, I asked "is he still alive?" He told me that he didn't know. I started praying for his life, not knowing that he actually died at the scene of the murder.
When I watched the story on the news, I saw the video of the robbery. The gunman put on his mask as he walked from behind the store. He then entered the convenient store and rushed toward the counter with a gun pointed at my uncle, a store clerk. He handed a duffel bag to my uncle and demanded cash and cigarettes. My uncle didn't even look nervous. He quickly and calmly pulled out the drawer from the cash register and dumped the cash into the bag. He then threw all of the cigarettes into the bag without any hesitation despite having a gun pointed at his face. The robber took the bag and rushed toward the door. As he was about to exit, he turned around, aimed at my uncle and pulled the trigger on his handgun and ran. The bullet hit my uncle's neck. The other store clerk and my uncle's dad were in the back. They ran to my uncle and dialed 9-1-1. My uncle died in his father's arms before the ambulance could arrive.
This tragedy was extremely difficult for my family and me to deal with. I was in awe at how someone could take another person's life in cold blood. Crime affects everyone in the city of Houston. People working in stores are risking their lives because there are many criminals out there that would do anything for money. Even customers are in danger when they are present during a robbery. There is close to three hundred murders every year in Houston. Violent crime is an issue that instills fear into people. There must be a way to reduce the number of murders the city of Houston has every year.
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