Critique my Yale supplement response for 2013 application.

Instructions: Tell us something about you we don't already know or something you want us to know more about.

I love technology. There is no other way to put it; I have 'unconditional love' for technology. Since I was a kid, I have been fascinated by computers, then as I grew up smartphones and tablets were introduced and my love for technology just keeps on getting deeper and deeper.

My friends have even given me a nick name, techomonster. Whenever they need to buy a new gadget or fix an old one, the first person they call is me. I always suggest them a good product and more often than not they choose the product that I suggest. I also help them fix their computer, or replace a Hard Disk or RAM.I just love helping my friend when they need technology related help, but don't 'love' helping them with any other task.

Technology has given me something to look forward to every year. In my calendar the first two weeks of January, last week of February, and first or second week of June are always marked with a BIG star. These are they days I look forward to every year more than Christmas. January is CES or Consumer Electronics Shows, where companies form all around the world introduce next generation devices such as laptops and TVs. In February, MWC or Mobile World Congress is hosted in Barcelona every year, where technology companies introduce next generation smartphones and tablets. In June, Apple Inc. hosts WWDC or World Wide Developers Conference where it introduces its new software and sometimes the next iPhone. There are many more events I follow, but these are the most important. These events give me hope that technology 'boom' is just getting started and there is more to come every year. I watch technology news like CIA watches over America. On my free time, even when I am watching movie, I have another tab open of a technology news site which I refresh every ten minutes for the latest tiny bit of news.

Following technology for so long, has inspired me to one day create my own company. Watching CEOs of big companies at the tech shows announcing revolutionary products, just inspires and motives me to strive to be on that stage one day. My ultimate goal in life is to create my own fortune 500 company that centers on Artificial Intelligence. Following Consumers electronics has given me a good sense of what consumers like and will most certainly help me achieve my goal. In addition, I have already started to learn programming and am now a Web Developer. Having experience as a programmer will most certainly help me during college and to achieve my dream.

Please critique the essay, help me fix my grammatical errors, and reword some sentences.

Sentences that I really need help rewording:

1. I just love helping my friend when they need technology related help, but don't 'love' helping them with any other task. (last sentence second paragraph)

2. I watch technology news like CIA watches over America. On my free time, even when I am watching movie, I have another tab open of a technology news site which I refresh every ten minutes for the latest tiny bit of news. (last sentence third paragraph

3. The last paragraph (sorry more than a sentence)

Thank You in Advance

i love this sentence "I watch technology new like CIA watches over America." but I think I'd say "the CIA"

I just love helping my friends when they need technology related help. I don't think you need the next part of the sentence.

The tenses in your second sentence are awkward, and it is a run on. How about: "Since I was a kid, I have been fascinated by computers. Then as I grew up, smartphones and tablets were introduced, keeping my love of technology growing."

Thanks for the help! and yes I will change the second sentence. Thanks once again!

Well overall, it's a good essay, but use are very friendly with the word "love". Since this is a short response, it seems repetitive in your first paragraph. If you want to convey your feelings about technology, use other words such as passionate, obssesed, etc.

Loved it. It gives a great sense of who you are and what you like, answering perfectly the question. I'm bad at looking for grammar mistakes, but concerning the writing, it's great.