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Curiosity has always been my besetting sin. UWC application essay.



axif_asif 1 / -  
Sep 18, 2016   #1
Here is the essay I wrote. Kindly review it. Feel free to criticize and let me know about the mistakes or what i can improve.

A personal statement (within 300 words) explaining why you are interested in attending a UWC school/college and reflecting on UWC's mission and values, what you might contribute to the school/college and what you would hope to gain from the experience

Curiosity has always been my besetting sin. Fascinated by the world around me, I have always tried to venture into the world of information to find out more about it. However, there has always been a void in my understanding, a puzzle piece I have not yet discovered. I believe that my education at a UWC can fill that void and complete my puzzle of knowledge. I have always been intrigued by foreigners, their countries, language, culture and history. At a UWC school/college, I can socialize with individuals from different nations and learn about their customs. After knowing about the UWC's mission and values, I have become sure that it is the unequalled alternative to quench my thirst of curiosity.

In order to keep my keep my grades up for a scholarship at a reputed college, I have aced all my classes since the fourth grade. But academic achievement is not the downright crucial element that expresses a student's abilities. It includes extracurricular activities too. Table tennis is my most esteemed sport, just over badminton. Similar to my curiosity and the UWC, another thing that has crafted a home in my heart is music. I indefinitely love to play the guitar. Music fascinates me and my knack for creativity has helped me to pursue it to a greater extent.

My parents have spared no opportunity to build my cultural ethos and values. I hope to express my rich culture to the world at the UWC. Nature's perplexing eccentricities influence me greatly. Thus I have and further want to act towards saving it.

The UWC can provide me a rich sense of understanding of the world. Aside from that, I can gain the best education and qualifications that are recognized by the world's leading universities. Interaction with a variety of people with diverse cultural backgrounds can construct my impartial and liberal senses. I aspire to become a doctor and restore the infirm medical infrastructure of my country. With my knowledge from the UWC, I hope to eradicate conflicts of my country and the world by disintegrating stereotypical conventions and misconceptions. Only then can I rise to eminence and stand out amongst the crowd.

Wolf Larsen - / 109  
Sep 18, 2016   #2
Hello

Your essay is good. However, I would recommend applying a few stylistic adjustments to it. They are as follows:

I believe that [...] by studying at the UWC I will be able to satisfy my thirst for knowledge.
After knowing [...] having found out about...
I have become [...]I was able to confirm to myself that they are fully consistent with my understanding of what good education is all about.

But [...] However... expresses [...] reflects...
is my most esteemed [...] favorite...
to express [...] to introduce...
towards saving it. [...]you'll be better off specifying what would you like to save.
provide me [...]with...
with diverse [...] from diverse...
can construct [...] will contribute towards constructing...
With my knowledge from the UWC , [...] obtained at the UWC...
conflicts of [...] in...
by disintegrating [...] exposing the fallaciousness of many...
Only then can I rise to eminence [...] I will be able to attain social prominence...

I hope this came of help. Regards.


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