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'what Darwin or Newton or Einstein felt' a personal quality, talent or experience(UC)



abhip712 2 / 3  
Oct 20, 2011   #1
By the ninth grade i had completed mechanics, trigonometry and basic calculus much ahead of my classmates, not to show off but to have valuable tools at my disposal. My Physics teacher saw my keen interest in Science asked me to form a team of three and present a research project at the INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS' SCIENCE FAIR which was to be held in India in about 6 months.

While reading blogs i came across an article about a research on energy generation using shock absorbing bumps coming to a dead end as it was not feasible in terms of energy produced. Just then i started jumping and did my fake version of the moonwalk. I realized that the government's ignorance of problems faced by the masses could be used as an advantage for my project as India has the highest average undulations in a concrete road. We worked on the project of using Shock Absorbers moving in a magnetic field to produce energy..The model won us the second prize among 150 schools across 40 nations. Just as we were leaving for our city the Principal of Ritsumeikan University, Japan met my teacher who was our team moderator and invited our school to Japan to attend the next edition of the ISSF.We were the only school in the whole country invited to represent our nation.I had become a hero in my city. Having one's name in the newspapers for international achievements was something very coveted in our small city of Jamshedpur. My team now slogged harder to create the model of a car which used algae and molasses as fuel and used Regenerative magnetic shock absorbers to charge it's battery. We conducted pollution and emission tests at TATA MOTORS and confirmed our assertions about the car being environment friendly. We named the car ENVY. My classmates from the Economics section calculated the estimates and we were able to prove that it was cost efficient too. I was excited about my trip to Japan, mainly because I had never been to a foreign country and I had never travelled in an aeroplane before. We received a standing ovation in Japan. It took a while for the feeling to sink in.

I realized the essence of the subject. Sometimes, when I have finally grasped the implications of something the hair on the back of my neck stands up and I get a tremendous surge of adrenaline. It is not a bad feeling but perhaps a feeling of genuine clarity and overwhelming joy at once again figuring something out on my own and realizing just how complicated it once seemed only to become so clear in my mind. However, above and beyond all that, Science gives me the opportunity to think of the possibility that perhaps one day I will discover something so wondrous and fantastic that no one has ever thought of before. I wonder what Darwin or Newton or Einstein felt like when they realized just how precisely perfect and dead on their theories were? What a feeling that must be!

Please help as The introductory paragraph looks dull.Should i focus on details more .The problem was the 500 word limit

Liebe 1 / 524  
Oct 20, 2011   #2
not to show off but to have valuable tools at my disposal.

^Lost interest there, due to your poor attempt at modesty.
OP abhip712 2 / 3  
Oct 21, 2011   #3
Please suggest a corrective measure and review the rest of the essay so that i'll know if i need to modify or start afresh.
Liebe 1 / 524  
Nov 1, 2011   #4
Corrective measure: Lose the attitude? Its poor from the start.

Consider it this way. There may be/are applicants that are better than you, so much so that they may what you have accomplished look meaningless in comparison. So boasting about something that is comparatively meaningless does not put you in the spotlight. At all.

Be modest and humble, and sell as yourself as being able to achieve more rather than showing off what you have already achieved.
akashkantthakur 1 / 3  
Nov 15, 2011   #5
"trigonometry and basic calculus much ahead of my classmates"

hey pandey logical error we don't compare academics to students(in this case 'classmate')
academics and studies to be compared with studies
So do the needful


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