Here is my UBC application essay. It should be a maximum of 200 words.
The day my mother broke her leg was the day I had to learn to grow up and be responsible. She had fallen down the stairs and, after surgery, returned home in a wheelchair, spending the next 3 months bedridden. Those three months, and the subsequent year spent recovering, were very tough for our family. I hadn't realized her integral part in our family. Without her, and me being the oldest, a load of responsibilities had been dumped on me. I worked hard, desperately trying to mimic the glue my mother was to our family. Along with my sister, I cleaned the house everyday, cooked the food, and did the chores while also taking care of my mothers needs, like walking her to the washroom and giving her her pills. Doing all this and trying to maintain my grades led to a lot of stress, but I trudged on. I matured quickly that year and gained a newfound respect for my mother at the end of the ordeal. Now I help her whenever I can and always do whatever she asks of me because walking a mile in her shows made me understand what kind of stress she goes through.
(200 words)
Please help me edit my essay. I'd love any advice.
The day my mother broke her leg was the day I had to learn to grow up and be responsible.
The day my mother broke her leg was the day I began to grow as a responsible person.She had fallen down the stairs and, after surgery, returned home in a wheelchair, spending the next 3 months bedridden. Those three months, and the subsequent year spent recovering, were very tough for our family
She fell off from the stairs and underwent a surgery. Returned home in a wheelchair, she spent another three months bedridden and subsequent one year for slow recovery. It was very tough for our family.