I've been poisoned. Attacked with blurred vision and slurred tongue, I lay dazed and confused. The heat, the sweat, loud sounds and anxiety all consumed me. Doctors running back and forth, phone calls made left and right, all while being carried back from Intensive Care. The sheer terror I felt when I awoke from that coma, was overwhelming, almost traumatizing. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak. All until I remained alone in that upcoming darkness of the night.
When the doctors announced my huge probability of death, I was struck with fear and joy as I wondered how I was alive. I didn't understand; I should have been dead. What granted this miracle, and why? Initially, I was befuddled by all the tubes struck in me and where I was in the first place, but I regained my mentality soon after and then allowed the doctors' news to sink in. I asked myself, "what now?"
I lay under my sheets that night, searching for answers. As the minutes ticked their ways by, I soon found myself cold and afraid. As the alcohol was plodding its way out, and nurses checking up here and there, I found myself waiting. I was alone, and I waited. I hoped for someone to come and visit, to come and see if I was okay. To receive a card, some flowers, or maybe just a phone call. But no, I remained to myself for hours and hours on end. Then, of course, this made me ponder. I thought to myself, if I was this forgotten during such a near death experience, how many people will show up to my funeral? How many will remember me? Have I left a legacy? Do I deserve to? I surrounded myself with these questions, all until I came across a realization.
Life is full of mistakes. However, with every mistake comes a reward. I stopped myself from drinking alcohol ever again, or at least until I have the mental capacity to endure and understand my actions and consumptions. And for that, I am forever grateful, and now appreciate all that my parents have done for me. This experience has taught me to value every moment of my life, because you never know how soon and unexpectedly it may end. It is now time to live life to its fullest, with every second of it is as precious as the next.
As unpredictable and exciting as life may be, a foundation is required to set it in motion. In my search for a university, I seek a place where I can reset my life, start a new chapter. I want a home where I can start building a strong future for the rest of my life. Where I can make mistakes and become a wiser and better person every step of the way. As Al Franken put it in 2002, "Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way."
"Attacked with blurred vision and slurred tongue, I laywas(?)/ lie (somewhere)? dazed and confused"
Are you trying to say you lie down after you were attacked with blurred vision and slurred tongue and became "dazed and confused"?
"The heat, the sweat, the loud sounds, and the(?)anxiety all consumed me."
I feel "all" is an unnecessary word.
"Doctors runningran back and forth, phone calls made left and right, all while I wasbeing carried back from Intensive Care. "
"The sheer terror I felt when I awokewoke up from that coma, was overwhelming, almost traumatizing."
"All until I remained alone in that upcoming darkness of the night."
I don't understand this sentence.
Something happened, I couldn't read the rest of this essay. Sorry!
I hope this helped.
Good luck!
The sheer terror I felt when I awoke from that coma, was overwhelming, almost traumatizing.
When the doctors announced my huge probability of death,
I was befuddled by all the tubes struck in me - I think confused, or a simpler word might be better
But no, I remained to myself for hours and hours on end - by myself? I don't know, this sentence is kind of awkward
And for that, I am forever grateful, and now appreciate all that my parents have done for me. This experience has taught me to value every moment of my life, because you never know how soon and unexpectedly it may end. It is now time to live life to its fullest, with every second of it is as precious as the next. - you should give examples of these things, show more
It's a really great idea! I like it!! But I think if you just show more, it'll be amazing
You might want to give a bit more background about how you ended up in the hospital. Not necessarily at the very beginning of your essay -- starting in media res is a great technique for hooking your readers, but at some point the reader needs to know the context of the incident if he/she is to understand what you learned from it. For instance, if it happened when you were six and tried drinking rubbing alcohol, the story is materially different than if it happened when you twelve and discovered your father's liquor cabinet, which is again different than if it happened when you were 19 and out binge drinking with friends. Your thoughts as you were lying in the hospital seem to indicate that you were older at the time, but some background would make it easier to see what lessons you might have drawn from the experience.
Okay, thanks guys! =)
No problem. Be sure to post the revised essay for further feedback if you have the time.
