PLEASE READ: There are some backgrounds that I want to specify: I am n international student from China and I am applying for transfer. The other part of my application talked about my interest in math, statistics and economics which is the reason why I want to transfer. Also, I attached an extra-curricular activity list in CA, which includes my work experience in international NGOs, my own Debate Club and High School Debate Team, and my founding of a volunteering organization.
Thanks everyone!
Essay:
It was debate that destroys me.
As I founded my high school Debate Club, my innocence was the first one to be demonized. I am no longer a good citizen in my government's eyes. I was forced to think topics in censorship, bribery, and corrupted election. In international debate contests, my partiality of my own culture was totally destroyed by conflicting issues like border wars and Tibetan problem. Also, I am no longer a "diligent student" that only receives knowledge: I was shocked that my silent self in all classes has been completely destructed. But destruction always clears the way for construction. I have been shaped by debates as a passionate skeptic in all college classes and always find myself enriched by such exchange of ideas. I become a challenger of my economics instructor from my own math perspective. I am no longer an isolated self: I begin to concern and work with underprivileged children in international NGOs and my own volunteer club.
It was debate that creates me.
I need both sentence corrections AND general thoughts on the ideas in the short answer
Thanks everyone!
Essay:
It was debate that destroys me.
As I founded my high school Debate Club, my innocence was the first one to be demonized. I am no longer a good citizen in my government's eyes. I was forced to think topics in censorship, bribery, and corrupted election. In international debate contests, my partiality of my own culture was totally destroyed by conflicting issues like border wars and Tibetan problem. Also, I am no longer a "diligent student" that only receives knowledge: I was shocked that my silent self in all classes has been completely destructed. But destruction always clears the way for construction. I have been shaped by debates as a passionate skeptic in all college classes and always find myself enriched by such exchange of ideas. I become a challenger of my economics instructor from my own math perspective. I am no longer an isolated self: I begin to concern and work with underprivileged children in international NGOs and my own volunteer club.
It was debate that creates me.
I need both sentence corrections AND general thoughts on the ideas in the short answer
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