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describe an event, (color day)

tsungyuwu 3 / 12  
Jan 1, 2010   #1
Can someone edit it for me or give some feed back, please? I will appreciate your help..Thank you! thank you! :D

Reflect on a group of which you have been a part and describe an experience where the group had to draw on the different experiences and backgrounds of its members in order to achieve its goal.

In my high school, there is a traditional event called color day. We split students into groups and compete with each other in different activities. Each group needs different members to represent their team in the activities. The activities are Dance Off, Trivia, Eating contest, Build a tower, Rap contest, Racing, capture the flag, tug of war...etc. In my team, we selected teammates that are the most qualified for each contest to be our representative. I am on a team of students with diverse backgrounds. This diversity in our team means we have some members who are good at academics, art and theatre, and sports. I am a very athletic girl who plays all kind of sports. I was one of the representatives in the racing event for our team. I also did the eating contest because I am an amazingly fast eater and also enjoy food very much. The last two activities were tug of war and capture the flag. Both activities require teamwork. Everyone has their strengths, for example, I run very fast so I was the forward on capture the flag game. As a team we discuss strategy and everyone has a special job. If we were all the same we would not be as strong as we are having diverse strengths. For tug of war, the team arranged position based upon ability. The person who is the strongest or heaviest stood in the back or the person who has more experiences with tug of war was in front. For example, I used to play tug of war as a competition in Taiwan so they put me in front. As a team, we built our confident by cheering for each other during the activity; as a team, we did our best and not let the team down. We didn't win all the activities but everyone tried their best and put all their efforts toward winning. In the end, we were the team that won the color day champion. It was an amazing and unforgettable experience.

Thanks for reading it=]
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 10, 2010   #2
We split students into groups and compete with each other in different various activities.

This does all stay with one topic, so it is ALMOST okay to have it as one long paragraph, but... it is just so much nicer to read an essay with three solid paragraphs, each with its own topic sentence. Maybe you could divide this into at least 2 paragraphs?

Everyone has their strengths; for example, I run very fast, so I was the...

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