Describe the world you come from, for example, your family, community or school, and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
(UC Essay 1) Any critique is welcome! Thank you so very much. :)
I always knew that my parents were different; it was something that went without saying. My mother, a biochemistry major, is now a freelance artist, who creates massive pastel murals on concrete squares. My father is an astrophysicist for NASA, a specialist in mass spectrometry and other befuddling studies. Little did I realize that my parents' love for the arts and sciences would influence my aspirations.
Since kindergarten, when I was first drilled with the question: "What are you going to be when you grow up?" I have always answered "a scientist!" My parents have always fostered my interest in the sciences, particularly biology. While my friends contented themselves with Nickelodeon and Sponge Bob's antics, I was raised on a steady diet of Bill Nye and Popular Mechanics for Kids. During elementary school my interests spanned from miniscule tree frogs to Thoroughbred horses, and all creatures in between. My family's weekly jaunts to the public library exposed me to every single animal book in the Los Angeles County system. My parents set up a tropical freshwater aquarium in our house, and Petco became my haven, a place where I could stock my fish tank full of an assortment of tetras and fire-bellied newts and African clawed frogs. Sometimes, my father would capture small animals from the arroyo by his workplace, and by seventh grade my family had accumulated quite a menagerie.
In addition to the scientific influence in my household, I was also encouraged to express myself artistically, so naturally I drew the animals that captivated me. Studying my Pacific tree frog and alligator lizard through their terrarium, I would fill my notebooks full of sketches. In fifth grade, when my parents bought a Hungarian Vizsla, a type of hunting dog, I took to drawing all hundred-and-fifty breeds in my canine encyclopedia. I became an avid canine photographer and I even won a photo competition with a print of my dog. My mother supported and encouraged my art, introducing me to an assortment of mediums, though which I could depict my equines and canines. To this day, I will still sit at my desk and draw these animals, till my fingertips are stained with ink. I have found it is one thing to memorize facts and study data, but it is another to approach science from a different, uniquely right-brain perspective; to capture its essence on paper.
Thanks to my parents' odd, perhaps different, perspective, they have furthered my interest in art and science. I will always remember my youth with the theme song of Bill Nye playing somewhere in the background, and I still have my sketches and volumes of animal books stashed in my room. My parents were the ones that took me to horseback riding lessons out in the dusty countryside and snorkeling with a myriad of tropical wrasses in the waters of Kauai. While their weekly visits to the public library have sought the ridicule of some of my friends, I owe to my parents the love for biology and art that they have instilled in me.
This is a very well-written essay- I am quite envious of your adventurous childhood! My only issue is that to me, your last paragraph seems completely redundant. It feels quite palpably like you're trying to "wrap things up" by summarizing everything you stated earlier, which works on most essays for school but most definitely does not for a college essay. Perhaps you could write more about what you plan on majoring in, or your future career interests, instead.
Oh, thank you very much!
Yes, I can see your viewpoint, it makes complete sense to me now that I have a second opinion. Ah, high school essays have placed me into quite a rut. Thank you once again for your input.