Hi. Can you review my essay? I wrote this for admission to Penn State. They do not have a required essay but suggest including a personal statement with your application. Here it is.
How would you describe yourself is certainly a thought provoking question. One that, more often than not, many find difficult to answer. Some may be inclined to incorporate the thoughts of those who are closest to them. When asked to describe their children, moms tend to focus on their child's heart and soul; while dads are more inclined to describe their children's goals and ambitions.
When I asked my mom to describe me, she said that I am benevolent, trustworthy and affectionate. At the same time, she reminded me that I am "as stubborn as a mule" because once I get an idea in my mind I go after it relentlessly. My dad described me as highly motivated and disciplined. He said I work diligently and intensively to achieve the goals I have set. My younger brother said "You are the older sister of the coolest brother, and I can't wait for you to go to college so I can have your room." I was not surprised by his answer.
Using my family's responses as my foundation I would describe myself as passionate and compassionate. I am passionate about life, my beliefs, and helping others; compassionate about people struggling to overcome obstacles. I have always been interested in American Sign Language; and have already studied sign language as an elective course for three years.
My first experience with the deaf culture was in second grade, when I befriended two girls that were considered "outsiders" because they could not speak nor hear. Their ability to overcome what I perceived to be a huge disadvantage made a great impression on me. One of my greatest challenges was helping a family friend whose child has autism. At first, this was far more difficult than I anticipated. As we got to know each other better; however, things became easier for both of us. Although she is unable to communicate verbally, she has learned to sign a few words. I am thankful for our time together and strongly feel that I have probably learned more from her than she has from me. As you can see by these two examples, I have a strong desire to assist others facing unique challenges. As such, I intend to major in pre-med and minor in Deafness and Hearing Studies.
Being the first in my family to attend college, it is an aspiration of mine to go to a university. My cousins, Jennifer and Chad Minutillo, have been my role models. Both are now proud Penn State graduates. With each passing day of my senior year, I become more determined to carry on this new Minutillo tradition. I embrace the challenges associated with pursuing admittance to the university of my dreams as my fear of failure pales in comparison to my desire to succeed. It would be an honor and a privilege to be admitted to Penn State, so I, too, can become a Penn State alumni.
How would you describe yourself is certainly a thought provoking question. One that, more often than not, many find difficult to answer. Some may be inclined to incorporate the thoughts of those who are closest to them. When asked to describe their children, moms tend to focus on their child's heart and soul; while dads are more inclined to describe their children's goals and ambitions.
When I asked my mom to describe me, she said that I am benevolent, trustworthy and affectionate. At the same time, she reminded me that I am "as stubborn as a mule" because once I get an idea in my mind I go after it relentlessly. My dad described me as highly motivated and disciplined. He said I work diligently and intensively to achieve the goals I have set. My younger brother said "You are the older sister of the coolest brother, and I can't wait for you to go to college so I can have your room." I was not surprised by his answer.
Using my family's responses as my foundation I would describe myself as passionate and compassionate. I am passionate about life, my beliefs, and helping others; compassionate about people struggling to overcome obstacles. I have always been interested in American Sign Language; and have already studied sign language as an elective course for three years.
My first experience with the deaf culture was in second grade, when I befriended two girls that were considered "outsiders" because they could not speak nor hear. Their ability to overcome what I perceived to be a huge disadvantage made a great impression on me. One of my greatest challenges was helping a family friend whose child has autism. At first, this was far more difficult than I anticipated. As we got to know each other better; however, things became easier for both of us. Although she is unable to communicate verbally, she has learned to sign a few words. I am thankful for our time together and strongly feel that I have probably learned more from her than she has from me. As you can see by these two examples, I have a strong desire to assist others facing unique challenges. As such, I intend to major in pre-med and minor in Deafness and Hearing Studies.
Being the first in my family to attend college, it is an aspiration of mine to go to a university. My cousins, Jennifer and Chad Minutillo, have been my role models. Both are now proud Penn State graduates. With each passing day of my senior year, I become more determined to carry on this new Minutillo tradition. I embrace the challenges associated with pursuing admittance to the university of my dreams as my fear of failure pales in comparison to my desire to succeed. It would be an honor and a privilege to be admitted to Penn State, so I, too, can become a Penn State alumni.
